It is only in mathematics that minus multiplied by minus equals plus. What I mean by this is that two wrongs do not make a right in real life. The question we should ask ourselves is that, is it right to be rude? Can you describe someone that is rude as being mannerly? Would you like to be associated with someone that is snobbish? Is it not rather degrading to be viewed as being unmannerly? There is a saying that says if someone mentally sound begins to fight with a mad man, it will be difficult to prove that both of them are not mad. If you respond rudely to a rude behaviour, frankly you are also rude.
If honestly you will not want to be unmannerly in your behaviour, why would you then be rude to someone that is rude to you? It is very wrong to always react, rather act or at best be proactive. When you behave rudely to someone that is rude to you, you are reacting and that will never bring the best out you, it will rather fulfil the intention of the person that was rude to you. Do not let anyone ‘remote control’ you. You can be in charge of your emotions and actions. It is very essential to always be objective.
Wikipedia describe Rudeness (also called impudence, talking fresh, sassy or effrontery) as disrespect and failure to behave within the context of a society or a group of people's social laws oretiquette.These laws have already unspokenly been established as the essential boundaries of normally accepted behavior. To be unable or unwilling to align one's behavior with these laws known to the general population of what is socially acceptable is to be rude.
There are basic ways to respond (please mind my choice of word-to respond not to react) to rude people:
1. Assess the issue at hand critically – ask yourself sincerely whether the situation making this person to react actually worth the emotional fireworks intended? When you objectively assess the situation at hand, you will definitely take appropriate actions.
2. Assess the person in question – could it be that this person is under some kind of pressure? Is this person trying to get at me? Have I offended this person in time past? Is this person misbehaviour worth my valuable attention? It will not be a wise investment of time and emotional energy to react to a rude person, if one can critically answer those questions.
3. Seek the path of grace – there times that one will need to just accept individuals with grace. We might just simply respond like Jesus said that ‘Father forgive them for they do not know what they are doing’. Jesus did not spit when they spat on him. It might be difficult but possible if we want to follow the path of truth and be objective. Pro 15:1 A gentle response defuses anger, but a sharp tongue kindles a temper-fire.
4. Give time – given that you will not respond rudely, do not try to correct the person immediately. Give time for the person to mellow down. A rude person is not objective and cannot perceive at that moment the corrective measure you intend.
5. Just ignore – there may be times to just overlook certain behaviours. It may even make the rude person to come back to his senses.
It can never be right to rude to someone that is rude to you, because that makes you also a rude person.
Friday, June 11, 2010
Monday, June 7, 2010
Extra-curricular Activities and Peer Pressure
Using physical activities to reduce the negative effect of peer pressure cannot produce lasting result.
Peer pressure is more of sociological and psychological phenomenon than physical. Physical activities are just vehicles to drive what has been designed to affect individuals' behaviour and attitude.
I need to also mention that not all peer pressure result in bad influence. Association and assimilation also has a great way of impacting individuals for positive response. I have been working with teenagers for over a decade now and I have seen that the best way to help a teenager stabilize is to arrange other teenagers that are established in good character around him.
Many of the teenagers I have worked with both at school and the teenage ministry at church have been challenged by the good and productive disposition of the others. Given that peer pressure has led a lot of young people and even adults down the path of destruction, quite a good number have been positively affected by result –oriented individuals around them.
Physical activities by itself will not lead to the reduction but the kind of the activities and the people involved in the activities. A child can be physically involved in many activities and still have enough time to be involved in heinous deeds. As a matter of fact the centres for those activities can a breeding ground for bad influence. Take for example, a parent desiring to reduce the amount of time available for his child decides to enrol him in a music class after school without checking the fine details of the strength of character of the instructors, the kind of children attending the class, the kind of ‘extra class’ activities that go on there. That child may eventually get worse while attending the class if the environment is not appropriate.
As parents and guardians, we must depend on God for inspiration to be creative in ways that we engage our children for after-school activities that will build them up. In as much as they need a high-quality level of socialisation for development, it our responsibility to guide them into activities that will build them up for the future. We cannot afford to just throw them into any available activity.
My candid opinion is that while productive activities are good, the kind of activities and especially the people involved should be carefully screened for young adults. Our focus for teenagers around us should be the deliberate building of their inner man. If they are well built inside they will not only be able withstand bad influence but exert their own positive pressure on those around them.
Peer pressure is more of sociological and psychological phenomenon than physical. Physical activities are just vehicles to drive what has been designed to affect individuals' behaviour and attitude.
I need to also mention that not all peer pressure result in bad influence. Association and assimilation also has a great way of impacting individuals for positive response. I have been working with teenagers for over a decade now and I have seen that the best way to help a teenager stabilize is to arrange other teenagers that are established in good character around him.
Many of the teenagers I have worked with both at school and the teenage ministry at church have been challenged by the good and productive disposition of the others. Given that peer pressure has led a lot of young people and even adults down the path of destruction, quite a good number have been positively affected by result –oriented individuals around them.
Physical activities by itself will not lead to the reduction but the kind of the activities and the people involved in the activities. A child can be physically involved in many activities and still have enough time to be involved in heinous deeds. As a matter of fact the centres for those activities can a breeding ground for bad influence. Take for example, a parent desiring to reduce the amount of time available for his child decides to enrol him in a music class after school without checking the fine details of the strength of character of the instructors, the kind of children attending the class, the kind of ‘extra class’ activities that go on there. That child may eventually get worse while attending the class if the environment is not appropriate.
As parents and guardians, we must depend on God for inspiration to be creative in ways that we engage our children for after-school activities that will build them up. In as much as they need a high-quality level of socialisation for development, it our responsibility to guide them into activities that will build them up for the future. We cannot afford to just throw them into any available activity.
My candid opinion is that while productive activities are good, the kind of activities and especially the people involved should be carefully screened for young adults. Our focus for teenagers around us should be the deliberate building of their inner man. If they are well built inside they will not only be able withstand bad influence but exert their own positive pressure on those around them.
Friday, June 4, 2010
Great Fathers Are Mentors
Fatherhood is an assignment that I have always revered because it goes a long way to shape the outlook to life for mankind. Many of us make decisions today spontaneously or deliberately taking reference from our father.
My dad is a wonderful man that I will always respect. I had thought while growing up that my dad is a bit soft because of the way I hear other people talk about how tough and high-handed their fathers are. This is because he allows us to take our decisions; he makes us come up with suggestions as to what we need to do. I am not saying we get away with those adolescent excesses, but his rules and conditions are clearly stated that you will always know the rewards and otherwise for any action that you take.
I realized later that my father’s approach is the best for a child that will make impact. Everybody has a mindset about issues but a reasonable suggested option will guide in the best direction. Everyone of us in my family(3boys and 3girls) were given the opportunity to decide what we want to do in life, the schools we wanted attend, the courses we wanted to read, the wives/husband we wanted to marry. My father gives us the basic guidelines and leaves us to decide. We may not have plenty money now and have exceedingly glamorous stories to tell yet, but we are on a path to a great end.
That is the way I want to relate with my sons. I want to guide them with God's eyes. I want to depend on God to give them instructions that will clearly state the accurate pattern for life. I want a situation where they will look at the way I live and the decisions I take, and be able to take cues for their life decisions. Children when forced and compelled to do things will do it for a while under your roof but may trash all those ‘commandments’ immediately they are outside your gate. We must realise that God will force no one; He will only place the option before us. Deu 30:19 I call Heaven and Earth to witness against you today: I place before you Life and Death, Blessing and Curse. Choose life so that you and your children will live.
I strongly agree that life is a product of personal adventure, but it is also a network of influence. A father should be one of the strongest influences in the life of an individual. That is when our children’s adventures in life will make meaning and impact.
As we celebrate fathers, we need to be conscious of the pattern that we set before our children. We must make the guidelines clear to them and allow them make intelligent decisions. We must trust God to lead our children aright. Many fathers are too afraid that their children will fail and become wayward that they unnecessarily become overbearing and make them rebellious in the end. Let us train them to know how to listen to God and know that we are custodians not owners.
Good fathers (whether biological or in any other respects) are mentors. Just set the model before them and let them decide.
My dad is a wonderful man that I will always respect. I had thought while growing up that my dad is a bit soft because of the way I hear other people talk about how tough and high-handed their fathers are. This is because he allows us to take our decisions; he makes us come up with suggestions as to what we need to do. I am not saying we get away with those adolescent excesses, but his rules and conditions are clearly stated that you will always know the rewards and otherwise for any action that you take.
I realized later that my father’s approach is the best for a child that will make impact. Everybody has a mindset about issues but a reasonable suggested option will guide in the best direction. Everyone of us in my family(3boys and 3girls) were given the opportunity to decide what we want to do in life, the schools we wanted attend, the courses we wanted to read, the wives/husband we wanted to marry. My father gives us the basic guidelines and leaves us to decide. We may not have plenty money now and have exceedingly glamorous stories to tell yet, but we are on a path to a great end.
That is the way I want to relate with my sons. I want to guide them with God's eyes. I want to depend on God to give them instructions that will clearly state the accurate pattern for life. I want a situation where they will look at the way I live and the decisions I take, and be able to take cues for their life decisions. Children when forced and compelled to do things will do it for a while under your roof but may trash all those ‘commandments’ immediately they are outside your gate. We must realise that God will force no one; He will only place the option before us. Deu 30:19 I call Heaven and Earth to witness against you today: I place before you Life and Death, Blessing and Curse. Choose life so that you and your children will live.
I strongly agree that life is a product of personal adventure, but it is also a network of influence. A father should be one of the strongest influences in the life of an individual. That is when our children’s adventures in life will make meaning and impact.
As we celebrate fathers, we need to be conscious of the pattern that we set before our children. We must make the guidelines clear to them and allow them make intelligent decisions. We must trust God to lead our children aright. Many fathers are too afraid that their children will fail and become wayward that they unnecessarily become overbearing and make them rebellious in the end. Let us train them to know how to listen to God and know that we are custodians not owners.
Good fathers (whether biological or in any other respects) are mentors. Just set the model before them and let them decide.
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Reflections on Everyday Living by Roy Lessin
Ever wonder what you'll say to your daughter before her wedding day? Ever consider the words of wisdom you want to share with your son when he leaves home for college? Ever think about the reflections on life you want to give to your grandchildren?
Here are a few observations and thoughts about life that you may want to add to your collection. If you don't have a collection of heart reflections gathered yet, perhaps this list will stir you to begin the process. Some thoughts are practical, some are simple, some are fun, but all are meant to make life richer and more rewarding.
* When you greet people, look them in the eye. When they speak, give them your attention.
* When someone speaks to you in anger, let your response be a soft answer.
* Learn how to receive a compliment.
* You can't always be on the giving end. When others give to you, receive it with as much grace and kindness as is being extended.
* Learn to laugh more - it's great medicine.
* Never need "a little more" in order to be content.
* Three things to remember about people: their names, their birthdays, a few of their favorite things.
* Find a place away from city lights and gaze into the heavens on a clear night.
* Call or send a card for no reason.
* If you don't need it, do without it if it means going into debt.
* Tithe - you can never out-give God.
* Let people know you appreciate them for who they are and not just what they do.
* Sing around the house. Church isn't the only place to praise the Lord.
* Fix a special meal, served on special china, for no special reason.
* The best time to treat anything that needs maintenance is "right now."
* Never allow what you possess to possess you.
* Return the thing you borrow in better condition than you receive it.
* Don't ever forget to return the things you borrow, fix the things you break, pay the bills you owe, take care of the things you own.
* If you are not sure what to do in a given situation, ask, "What is the loving thing to do?"
* Take a class in music appreciation.
* Do something new with an old friend.
* Guard trust in any relationship.
* Don't ever lose heart - God will never give up on you.
* Never let your heart run out of thankfulness.
* One place to “be like Jesus” is behind the wheel of your car.
* Don't feel inferior to anyone. God made only one of you.
* When you do something, put everything you have into it.
* Don't carry around worry, fear or anxiety. They are the thieves of peace.
* Hold things with an open palm.
* Guard the company you keep. It will impact your behavior.
* Never quit giving the gift of your smile.
Here are a few observations and thoughts about life that you may want to add to your collection. If you don't have a collection of heart reflections gathered yet, perhaps this list will stir you to begin the process. Some thoughts are practical, some are simple, some are fun, but all are meant to make life richer and more rewarding.
* When you greet people, look them in the eye. When they speak, give them your attention.
* When someone speaks to you in anger, let your response be a soft answer.
* Learn how to receive a compliment.
* You can't always be on the giving end. When others give to you, receive it with as much grace and kindness as is being extended.
* Learn to laugh more - it's great medicine.
* Never need "a little more" in order to be content.
* Three things to remember about people: their names, their birthdays, a few of their favorite things.
* Find a place away from city lights and gaze into the heavens on a clear night.
* Call or send a card for no reason.
* If you don't need it, do without it if it means going into debt.
* Tithe - you can never out-give God.
* Let people know you appreciate them for who they are and not just what they do.
* Sing around the house. Church isn't the only place to praise the Lord.
* Fix a special meal, served on special china, for no special reason.
* The best time to treat anything that needs maintenance is "right now."
* Never allow what you possess to possess you.
* Return the thing you borrow in better condition than you receive it.
* Don't ever forget to return the things you borrow, fix the things you break, pay the bills you owe, take care of the things you own.
* If you are not sure what to do in a given situation, ask, "What is the loving thing to do?"
* Take a class in music appreciation.
* Do something new with an old friend.
* Guard trust in any relationship.
* Don't ever lose heart - God will never give up on you.
* Never let your heart run out of thankfulness.
* One place to “be like Jesus” is behind the wheel of your car.
* Don't feel inferior to anyone. God made only one of you.
* When you do something, put everything you have into it.
* Don't carry around worry, fear or anxiety. They are the thieves of peace.
* Hold things with an open palm.
* Guard the company you keep. It will impact your behavior.
* Never quit giving the gift of your smile.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Think It Over by Charles R. Swindoll
Here are several very personal questions to help you know how severe we need to be with ourselves in order to "abstain from wickedness." Answer each one honestly.
• Are you regularly with a person of the opposite sex in inappropriate situations?
• Are you completely above reproach in all your financial dealings, including your taxes?
• Do you expose yourself to explicit sexual material?
• If you have a family, do you invest sufficient time with them?
• Do you tell the truth? How often do you lie (don't forget to count the little white ones)?
• How quickly do you say "I am wrong; I am genuinely sorry" when you have said or done something that hurts another?
• Do you hold grudges?
• Are you knowingly compromising in some area of your life, refusing to acknowledge the consequences that you will surely have to face?
• Have you formed a habit that is detrimental to your health or your job or your walk with Christ?
• Are you proud, selfish, arrogant?
• Have you taken credit for something that someone else did and should have been rewarded for?
• Do you return things you borrow?
• Have you failed to confess something to someone who should know of your wrongdoing?
• Are you abusing your mate or your children---physically or emotionally?
• Do you allow abuse to happen without seeking help?
• Do you regularly spend time in prayer and in the Scriptures?
Excerpted from Day by Day with Charles Swindoll, Copyright © 2000 by Charles R. Swindoll, Inc. (Thomas Nelson Publishers). All rights reserved worldwide. Used by permission.
• Are you regularly with a person of the opposite sex in inappropriate situations?
• Are you completely above reproach in all your financial dealings, including your taxes?
• Do you expose yourself to explicit sexual material?
• If you have a family, do you invest sufficient time with them?
• Do you tell the truth? How often do you lie (don't forget to count the little white ones)?
• How quickly do you say "I am wrong; I am genuinely sorry" when you have said or done something that hurts another?
• Do you hold grudges?
• Are you knowingly compromising in some area of your life, refusing to acknowledge the consequences that you will surely have to face?
• Have you formed a habit that is detrimental to your health or your job or your walk with Christ?
• Are you proud, selfish, arrogant?
• Have you taken credit for something that someone else did and should have been rewarded for?
• Do you return things you borrow?
• Have you failed to confess something to someone who should know of your wrongdoing?
• Are you abusing your mate or your children---physically or emotionally?
• Do you allow abuse to happen without seeking help?
• Do you regularly spend time in prayer and in the Scriptures?
Excerpted from Day by Day with Charles Swindoll, Copyright © 2000 by Charles R. Swindoll, Inc. (Thomas Nelson Publishers). All rights reserved worldwide. Used by permission.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Saints with Arms?
I had awesome conversations during the period of the last crisis in Jos – one first hand and the other narrated.
During the crisis, I was talking with my neighbours who are Christians and one of them said “we Christians will not be able to fight like the other fellows do because the next time we are in Church our pastors will preach to us to embrace peace and love while the other folks are being strategically positioned to be alert to fight for their god.
A friend, who teaches at a Christian secondary school in Jos discovered during the first week of resumption of school after the crisis that there was a daily increase in students’ attendance but plunged dramatically on Friday. He asked the students what could be responsible for the remarkable drop in attendance, the students responded “when Christians go to their services they come out pious and armless while the others go and strategise on how to foment uproar so as to deal with non-adherents of their faith.
What immediately came to me after the second discussion was that are Christians suppose to come out of their meetings and services weak and jelly-like? Should we also include in our order of service issues of arms and attack? Are we supposed to sit back and be content with defending ourselves when this kind of event happened? Is there not a way we can also launch an attack at certain times and situation?
I answered in my thoughts, if Elijah had strategized on a physical note, would he have escaped the siege of the Assyrians? If it was just the regular meetings, would Elijah have been able to give accurate intelligence report to the king of Israel about the plan of the Assyrian army? Did David win the battle against Goliath in the flesh? Didn’t he take the advantage of Goliath taking the battle to the Spirit?
It is sad to say that the meetings we have in most churches are so weightless, laced with uneducated enthusiasm, open-ended celebration, story-telling that have no bearing on equipping the saints.
Saints are to come out meetings, services, conventions, conferences strong, armed and dangerous that the enemies will not be able to handle. Is it impossible for us to pick up the slightest signals in the spirit before the crisis and alert the relevant authorities? Are we not supposed to be trained to have unequivocal aptitude to engage the ministering spirits in all of these issues? Why have forgotten so soon that angels are still at work?
Isa 1:11 "Why this frenzy of sacrifices?" GOD's asking. "Don't you think I've had my fill of burnt sacrifices, rams and plump grain-fed calves? Don't you think I've had my fill of blood from bulls, lambs, and goats?
Isa 1:12 When you come before me, who ever gave you the idea of acting like this, Running here and there, doing this and that-- all this sheer commotion in the place provided for worship?
Isa 1:13 "Quit your worship charades. I can't stand your trivial religious games: Monthly conferences, weekly Sabbaths, special meetings-- meetings, meetings, meetings--I can't stand one more!
Isa 1:14 Meetings for this, meetings for that. I hate them! You've worn me out! I'm sick of your religion, religion, religion, while you go right on sinning.
Isa 1:15 When you put on your next prayer-performance, I'll be looking the other way. No matter how long or loud or often you pray, I'll not be listening. And do you know why? Because you've been tearing people to pieces, and your hands are bloody.
What Elijah did was not Old Testament it is a walk in the Spirit. Gal 5:25 Since this is the kind of life we have chosen, the life of the Spirit, let us make sure that we do not just hold it as an idea in our heads or a sentiment in our hearts, but work out its implications in every detail of our lives. The greatest danger facing the 21st century saint is that tendency to take everything on a physical note.
The fact remains that the curfew has affected our meetings and strategic sessions to equip the saints. The days of baseless prayers are over. It does not make sense to be encumbered with our needs all the time when God has promised to meet them in His sovereignty. We should be concerned with principality and powers, rulers of darkness in heavenly places.
The battle for the soul of Jos City is not by might nor by power but by the Spirit. The fact remains that if we flow with spirit, the might and the power to execute judgement and engage principalities will definitely come.
This is a challenge for me and all the saints in the city of Jos.
During the crisis, I was talking with my neighbours who are Christians and one of them said “we Christians will not be able to fight like the other fellows do because the next time we are in Church our pastors will preach to us to embrace peace and love while the other folks are being strategically positioned to be alert to fight for their god.
A friend, who teaches at a Christian secondary school in Jos discovered during the first week of resumption of school after the crisis that there was a daily increase in students’ attendance but plunged dramatically on Friday. He asked the students what could be responsible for the remarkable drop in attendance, the students responded “when Christians go to their services they come out pious and armless while the others go and strategise on how to foment uproar so as to deal with non-adherents of their faith.
What immediately came to me after the second discussion was that are Christians suppose to come out of their meetings and services weak and jelly-like? Should we also include in our order of service issues of arms and attack? Are we supposed to sit back and be content with defending ourselves when this kind of event happened? Is there not a way we can also launch an attack at certain times and situation?
I answered in my thoughts, if Elijah had strategized on a physical note, would he have escaped the siege of the Assyrians? If it was just the regular meetings, would Elijah have been able to give accurate intelligence report to the king of Israel about the plan of the Assyrian army? Did David win the battle against Goliath in the flesh? Didn’t he take the advantage of Goliath taking the battle to the Spirit?
It is sad to say that the meetings we have in most churches are so weightless, laced with uneducated enthusiasm, open-ended celebration, story-telling that have no bearing on equipping the saints.
Saints are to come out meetings, services, conventions, conferences strong, armed and dangerous that the enemies will not be able to handle. Is it impossible for us to pick up the slightest signals in the spirit before the crisis and alert the relevant authorities? Are we not supposed to be trained to have unequivocal aptitude to engage the ministering spirits in all of these issues? Why have forgotten so soon that angels are still at work?
Isa 1:11 "Why this frenzy of sacrifices?" GOD's asking. "Don't you think I've had my fill of burnt sacrifices, rams and plump grain-fed calves? Don't you think I've had my fill of blood from bulls, lambs, and goats?
Isa 1:12 When you come before me, who ever gave you the idea of acting like this, Running here and there, doing this and that-- all this sheer commotion in the place provided for worship?
Isa 1:13 "Quit your worship charades. I can't stand your trivial religious games: Monthly conferences, weekly Sabbaths, special meetings-- meetings, meetings, meetings--I can't stand one more!
Isa 1:14 Meetings for this, meetings for that. I hate them! You've worn me out! I'm sick of your religion, religion, religion, while you go right on sinning.
Isa 1:15 When you put on your next prayer-performance, I'll be looking the other way. No matter how long or loud or often you pray, I'll not be listening. And do you know why? Because you've been tearing people to pieces, and your hands are bloody.
What Elijah did was not Old Testament it is a walk in the Spirit. Gal 5:25 Since this is the kind of life we have chosen, the life of the Spirit, let us make sure that we do not just hold it as an idea in our heads or a sentiment in our hearts, but work out its implications in every detail of our lives. The greatest danger facing the 21st century saint is that tendency to take everything on a physical note.
The fact remains that the curfew has affected our meetings and strategic sessions to equip the saints. The days of baseless prayers are over. It does not make sense to be encumbered with our needs all the time when God has promised to meet them in His sovereignty. We should be concerned with principality and powers, rulers of darkness in heavenly places.
The battle for the soul of Jos City is not by might nor by power but by the Spirit. The fact remains that if we flow with spirit, the might and the power to execute judgement and engage principalities will definitely come.
This is a challenge for me and all the saints in the city of Jos.
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