Children's Requests to their Pastors

Dear Pastor,
I know God loves everybody but He never met my sister.
Yours sincerely,
Arnold
Age 8, Nashville


Dear Pastor,
Please say in your sermon that Peter Peterson has been a good boy all week. I am Peter Peterson.
Sincerely,
Pete
Age 9, Phoenix


Dear Pastor,
My father should be a minister. Every day he gives us a sermon about something.
Robert
Age 11, Anderson


Dear Pastor,
I'm sorry I can't leave more money in the plate, but my father didn't give me a raise in my allowance. Could you have a sermon about a raise in my allowance?
Love,
Patty
Age 10, New Haven


Dear Pastor,
I would like to go to heaven someday because I know my brother won't be there.
Stephen
Age 8, Chicago


Dear Pastor,
I think a lot more people would come to your church if you moved it to Disneyland.
Loreen
Age 9, Tacoma


Dear Pastor,
Please pray for all the airline pilots. I am flying to California tomorrow.
Laurie
Age 10, New York City


Dear Pastor,
Please say a prayer for our Little League team. We need God's help or a new pitcher.
Thank you.
Alexander
Age 10, Raleigh


Dear Pastor,
My father says I should learn the Ten Commandments. But I don't think I want to because we have enough rules already in my house.
Joshua
Age 10, South Pasadena


Dear Pastor,
Are there any devils on earth? I think there may be one in my class.
Carla
Age 10, Salina


Dear Pastor,
I like your sermon on Sunday. Especially when it was finished.
Ralph
Age 11, Akron


Dear Pastor,
How does God know the good people from the bad people? Do you tell Him or does He read about it in the newspapers?
Sincerely,
Marie
Age 9, Lewiston

How Do You Serve Your Spouse?

"I make the bed every morning, and fix dinner once a week. It's not Mother Teresa stuff, but you gotta start somewhere."

—John Ortberg, pastor and author,
married to Nancy for 22 years

"Jesus served his followers by washing their feet. In his culture that was the job of a servant. I asked my wife and she had no desire for me to wash her feet, but she had a lot of other good ideas, such as: take out the garbage, vacuum the floors, wash the dishes, dust the blinds, and keep the lawn looking nice. I followed Jesus' example, and I live with a happy woman."

—Gary D. Chapman, marriage and family expert,
married to Karolyn for 43 years

"It may seem a small thing, but Dianna and I have gotten into the habit of always asking the other if we need anything when we're up. Just grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge or putting a dish in the sink is an act of servanthood that allows 'preferring others over yourself' to begin at home."

—Jerry B. Jenkins, best-selling novelist,
married to Dianna for 34 years

"Be slow to speak and quick to listen. Really listen. Rick is a methodical thinker and speaks only when he believes he has something worth saying; I, on the other hand, jump from thought to thought and talk all the time. For years I equated verbose communication (i.e., my ways) with greater wisdom and, yes, being right. I learned the hard way over the course of years that I was wrong. My husband has much to say if I'll only give him the time to do so and humble myself and listen."

—Julie Ann Barnhill, author and speaker,
married to Rick for 18 years

"One of the greatest ways a husband can serve in marriage is to lovingly touch his wife—in a non-sexual manner and without wanting sex. In my marriage, my wife loves having her scalp massaged. Many nights she falls asleep with me reading, holding my book with one hand and massaging her head with the other. She knows I'm not trying to manipulate her into 'something more,' and I know it's something she truly loves and feels served by—in spite of the shoulder pains or my arm falling asleep!"

—Tim Gardner, director, The Marriage Institute,
married to Amy for 16 years

"To really serve my mate, I need to 'go to school' and study her as if in pursuit of a Ph.D. In my case, it's 'Beckology,' and I have to know her like no other on the planet. I have to tune in to her feelings, her fears, and her dreams. Only then can I serve her as Christ served the church."

—H. Dale Burke, pastor and author,
married to Becky for 30 years

Expectations

by Os Hillman

"I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death." Philippians 1:20

Have you ever had expectations that did not get fulfilled? Perhaps a coworker let you down. Perhaps you were trusting God for something in your life that never materialized. Perhaps you became devastated by an unmet expectation that you felt you were entitled to. Expectations can be a difficult trap for each of us if we are not fully committed to God's purposes in our lives.

Paul wrote this verse from prison to the people of Philippi. He had an expectation that his life would bring glory to God, whether through his continued ministry or his death. His joy in living was not based on his expectations getting fulfilled, but on remaining true to the purpose for which God made him.

When we react to circumstances with bitterness and resentment as a result of unmet expectations, we are saying that we know better than God, and that God has made a mistake in not meeting our expectations. The process of resolving unmet expectations may require full disclosure to the individual who was the source of the unmet expectation, and of how the unmet expectation made you feel. This is not to make the person feel obligated to meet the expectation, but simply to share your feelings about it. If God was the source, then it is important to share this with the Lord. However, once we have done this we must let go of the situation and allow God to work in our hearts the grace that is needed to walk in freedom from the pain of the unmet expectation. If we do not do this, we will allow the seed of bitterness and resentment to enter in. This seed of bitterness will create leanness in our soul and eventually will spread to others.

Ask yourself today if you have any unmet expectations. How have you responded to them? Have you processed this with the Lord and others who may be involved? These are the steps to freedom from unmet expectations.

Wouldn't It Be Great if Every Class Had a Teacher Like That?

Dr. Jim Elsberry

has taught at all levels of education from kindergarten to graduate school, and has been an administrator in both private and public education. He currently is the chair of the division of education at Indiana Wesleyan University. He graduated from Indiana Wesleyan in 1970 with a degree in music education, and his master’s and doctorate degrees are in educational administration from the University of Texas at Austin.

What is it about some teachers that makes students flock to their classes? Why are some teachers remembered fondly by students years after graduation, while others are all but forgotten? How is it that some students become eager, motivated learners while others languish? In short, why do some teachers pass on the fire of enthusiasm to students while others have difficulty even lighting the match?

As a principal in both Christian schools and public schools, I engaged my teachers at the beginning of the school year in an exercise that asked them to think about teachers from their own school days who had a positive impact on them. Now in my role of preparing young men and women for service as teachers in God’s kingdom, I ask my students the same question: Think about teachers who made a difference in your life. What were they like? In the dozens of times I have used this exercise—with teachers, with students, and with parents of students—the answers have been remarkably similar. My informal research has revealed three characteristics of teachers who make a lasting difference in the lives of students:

Passion and Enthusiasm

Teachers who make a difference in the lives of their students are enthusiastic and passionate about their subject areas. They love what they teach, and it shows in class. One student said, “I could tell by his teaching that he loves math. He loves to talk about it all the time, and he wants his students to share his passion.” Another said, “My teacher thought literature was the most wonderful thing there was. She would tell us about one of her favorite passages, and tears would come to her eyes. I couldn’t help but love it too.” These teachers bring an in-depth knowledge of their subjects to the classroom, and they talk about them with excitement. They are continuous learners, and they share their discoveries with their students. One of the benefits of enthusiasm in teachers is that these teachers often draw reluctant students into active learning. Students will say that the subject was a difficult one or was one they did not particularly care about but that they became interested because the teacher made it so interesting.

Strong Personal Relationships

Effective teachers get to know their students on a personal level, and they care about what happens to students both at home and inside the classroom. One student explained, “I was going through a difficult time at home, and I didn’t have anybody to talk to but my teacher. It wasn’t like she was trying to be my buddy, but she took the time to listen to what I had to say without judging me. That really meant a lot to me.” Effective teachers also make an effort to establish positive relationships with parents. They will often call parents or write notes of encouragement and praise, especially for students who are having a particularly difficult time in school. Effective teachers find ways to encourage and support students in the classroom. Carl Jung said, “One looks back with appreciation to the brilliant teachers, but with gratitude to those who touched our human feelings. The curriculum is so much necessary new material, but the warmth is the vital element for the growing plant and for the soul of the child.”

High Expectations

Just because effective teachers care about and support students does not mean they are pushovers—quite the contrary. Effective teachers expect students to show self-discipline and achieve high levels of learning in the classroom. They give challenging assignments and expect students to do the work and do it well. One student said, “My teacher didn’t let things slip. He expected top-notch quality for everything. He expected me to be the best I could be.” Descriptions of these teachers include words such as strict, hard grader, and tough.

An interesting note about the characteristics of strong personal relationships and high expectations is that one will not work without the other. Many of us know teachers who try to make friends with students by getting down on their level. In a misguided attempt to win respect, these teachers do just the opposite—they lose whatever chance they had at being effective in the classroom by giving up their authority. Other teachers hold high academic standards for students but do not provide personal support for students’ efforts. These teachers tend to be cold, distant, and removed from the very students who want to do well but don’t get the support they need to succeed. Teachers who make a difference combine all three characteristics effectively. As they show enthusiasm, they maintain appropriately high standards in the classroom while supporting students in achieving them.

Parental Involvement: A Covenant

Cynthia M. Gant, Children’s Tuition Fund Coordinator

“As the child’s parent, you are the first and foremost teacher of your child.” I often made this statement to parents at the schools where I served as an administrator. I usually received a response of surprise and wonderment. Many of the parents at the schools where I served never heard that they were part of their child’s academic development. I told them not only that they were part but that they were the most vital part of the process. Most of the parents were single mothers, and the majority of them were also economically disadvantaged and undereducated. They had believed that it was the school’s job to teach their children, not theirs.

To engage the parents in the academic process, we as school personnel realized that we had to empower these parents. They needed to feel a sense of importance, and they needed to take part in the process. To accomplish both objectives, we established a school covenant whereby we would enter with each parent into a covenant relationship that focused on the success of the child. A statement by Nehemiah motivated us. Concerning the great task before him to rebuild the walls of Jerusalem, he asserted, “The God of heaven will give us success” (Nehemiah 2:20). All of the parents wanted their children to succeed, and so did we. No disagreement or confusion occurred regarding this common ground. In order to accomplish the goal, I explained that it was necessary for us to covenant together. I did not refer to this agreement as a contract because the term contract sounds too institutional. I knew that success would largely be a relational matter, and a covenant is a relational agreement.

The covenant contained two parts. The first part included what we committed ourselves to do as a school to promote the success of the child. We would provide the child with an education that was academically excellent; Bible based, and character shaping. All the parents agreed that this type of education was what they wanted for their child and that it would make for success. The second part of the covenant acknowledged that if we were to succeed with the child, the parents also had an equally crucial role to play. They had to covenant with us that they would commit to specific ways of supporting and reinforcing what we were doing at the school. Examples included assisting with homework, attending parent-teacher meetings, and meeting their financial obligations to the school.

The covenant focused on the student—not on the school, the teachers, the administration, or even anyone’s parenting skills. And because the focus remained on the student, when we had to address situations in which parents were violating the covenant, we emphasized what was necessary for the success of the child, without indicating that the problem was a reflection of parenting ability. The point was always that if any party of the covenant did not live up to the agreement, we could not succeed in educating the child effectively.

Parental empowerment makes for parental involvement. And parental involvement is a critical factor in the successful education of children.

Perception Is Not Reality

TGIF Today God Is First Volume 1 by Os Hillman
Sunday, June 14 2009

"The lions may roar and growl, yet the teeth of the great lions are broken." - Job 4:10

In the advertising business we often say that "perception is reality" for the person who views our advertising message. It does not matter whether the audience believes the message to be true, only that they perceive it to be true. Their actions will be the same whether they believe it or only perceive it.

The enemy of our souls is very good at this game. He may bring on us what we perceive to be true when it is a lie. It may appear that there is no way around a situation. He may bring great fear on us. When we buy into his lie, we believe only what we have chosen to perceive to be true. It usually has no basis of truth. Such was the case when Peter looked on the waters during a night boat journey with the other disciples. At first glance, he and the disciples screamed with fear, thinking that what they saw was a ghost. It was actually Jesus.

Satan's name means "accuser." He travels to and fro to accuse the brethren. He brings an impressive front to all he does, yet behind that front is a weak, toothless lion with a destination that has already been prepared in the great abyss. He knows his destination, but he wants to bring as many with him as possible; so he often has a big roar, but little bite.

The next time some event comes into your life that creates fear and trembling, first determine the source. Look past the emotions and evaluate the situation in light of God's Word. Perception is not always reality.

Africa's top 10 'big men'

President Omar Bongo of Gabon died this week after nearly 42 years in power - who inherits his title as Africa's longest-serving leader? The BBC's Peter Lewenstein has compiled a list - in reverse order, by length of continuous time in office - of the 10 African heads of state who have stood the test of time. No 10: PRESIDENT ZINE AL-ABIDINE BEN ALI of TUNISIA 21 YEARS IN POWER President Zine al-Abidine Ben Ali came to power in a bloodless coup in November 1987. He took over from Habib Bourguiba amid claims the latter was unfit to govern owing to senility. Mr Ben Ali marked the 21st anniversary of office by releasing 44 political prisoners. No 9: PRESIDENT BLAISE COMPAORE of BURKINA FASO 21 YEARS Mystery still surrounds the death of President Blaise Compaore's predecessor and friend, Thomas Sankara. But after he was shot dead by a group of soldiers in October 1987, Mr Compaore, as his number two, stepped into the breach. President Compaore has since won three elections, scraping in last time round in 2005 with 80% percent of the vote. No 8: KING MSWATI III of SWAZILAND 23 YEARS King Mswati came to the throne in April 1986; as son of Sobhuza, he was heir to the Swazi throne. But it took a three-year power struggle following his father's death before he was crowned. As an absolute monarch, elections are not really his thing - he has allowed people to vote for members of parliament, but political parties are not recognised. No 7: PRESIDENT YOWERI MUSEVENI of UGANDA 23 YEARS After years in the bush fighting a rebellion, ex-army officer Yoweri Museveni led his National Resistance Army into Kampala in January 1986 to seize power. He toppled Basilio Okello, who had himself overthrown Milton Obote in a military coup six months earlier. Mr Museveni has also won three elections, but only last time, in 2006, were candidates allowed to run on a party-political basis. No 6: PRESIDENT PAUL BIYA of CAMEROON 26 YEARS In November 1982, Cameroon's first post-independence leader, Ahmadou Ahidjo, formally resigned due to ill-health, and handed the presidency to his Prime Minister, Paul Biya. Since then Mr Biya has won five elections, which - say the opposition - is not surprising, given that the votes have always been overseen by senior ruling party figures. No 5: PRESIDENT HOSNI MUBARAK of EGYPT 27 YEARS Hosni Mubarak took over after the assassination of President Sadat by Islamist militants in October 1981. He was confirmed as president by a referendum. In the last election in 2005, he squeaked through with 88% of the vote. There has been plenty of speculation in Cairo that he is grooming his son Gamal to succeed him. No 4: PRESIDENT ROBERT MUGABE of ZIMBABWE 29 YEARS The world cheered when, after leading a long guerrilla war, Robert Mugabe led his Zanu party to victory at the elections in February 1980, after Zimbabwe had won its independence from Britain. But he is no longer a global favourite and the opposition accuses him of destroying his country in a bid to stay in power. He is now sharing power - but remains president. No 3: PRESIDENT JOSE EDUARDO DOS SANTOS of ANGOLA NEARLY 30 YEARS President Jose Eduardo dos Santos assumed power on the death of Angola's first president, Agostinho Neto, in September 1979. But for much of the time after that, he ruled only over half the country, as his MPLA fought a civil war against Unita. Now, with the war over, and Unita crushed at last year's parliamentary elections, he is being called on to hold an election for the presidency. No firm date has yet been set. No 2: EQUATORIAL GUINEA'S TEODORO OBIANG NGUEMA NEARLY 30 YEARS President Teodoro Obiang Nguema came to power in August 1979 in classic style, deposing his uncle, Macias Nguema, who fled but was later captured and executed. Despite its new-found oil wealth, 60% of the people of Equatorial Guinea live on less than a dollar a day. But they clearly all love President Nguema, as he won 97% of the vote at the last election in 2002. No 1: PRESIDENT MUAMMAR GADDAFI of LIBYA 39 YEARS And finally, Africa's undisputed newly crowned longest-serving ruler, Muammar Gaddafi, who was in office a decade ahead of his nearest rival. Col Gaddafi led a coup by young army officers in September 1969, then set about establishing his own political system, as laid out in his Green Book; and he's been there ever since. Last year, he was named "king of kings" by a meeting of Africa's traditional rulers.

LIVING IN A POST MORDERN WORLD

The postmodern mind-set of our young people presents

an incredible challenge for their leaders. These youth

look beyond truth alone to the outworking of the

truth in the lives of the people around them. As a result,

not only do we find a challenge for the way we live out our

lives, but we also find an even greater challenge for the role

we play as leaders. We cannot ignore the underlying culture

within our sphere of influence. We find that this culture

makes an impact on the faith of our young people.

This generation is ready to make a difference, and yet

never has the loss of our youth been greater. In 2007, Life-

Way Research released the findings of the first highly credible

numbers related to the loss of youth from the church.

This study concluded that 70 percent of 23- to 30-year-olds

stopped going to church regularly for a minimum of a year

between ages 18 and 22. It is apparent to many in Christian

education that we have not solved the problem.

Over the past two years, I have had the privilege of interacting

with more than 800 high school students about their

faith and the reasons so many leave the church. To understand

the opportunity buried within the challenge, we must

first understand and value the perspective of our youth. I

found this very difficult at first because it was so easy to

dismiss their reasons for leaving the church as excuses. Yet

as I listened, I was confronted with the pervasiveness of the

issues our youth cited. This pervasiveness presented me with

a new set of challenges that I believe we must face as educators,

parents, and pastors if we are going to develop lifelong

disciples.

God used the group exercises and individual interviews

to break my heart for our youth. I was forced to confront the

genuineness of our youth and admit that they have valid

reasons for leaving the church. A vast majority of the reasons

that students cited for leaving were not tied to individual

faith issues but stemmed from the dysfunction within the

culture of their Christian community. The dysfunction creates

a contradiction between the truth they are being taught

and the reality of what they are experiencing, discouraging

their hearts.

Our teaching has affected their minds, but the disconnect

between their minds and their hearts is abundantly

clear. What we are seeing is the logical outcome of hearts

burdened by communities that load students with many

spiritual expectations, resulting in a sense of failure on the

part of youth. Our youth have cited 30 community issues

for leaving. Of those issues, 3 concern me greatly: (1) sin

avoidance—“all we hear about is avoiding sin, yet I am sinning

and no one is helping me deal with the guilt”;

(2) being controlled—“my existence is managed by others’

rules and expectations”; and (3) hypocrisy—“most of the

students around me are living a dual life.”

Sin avoidance. Clearly we want our youth to avoid the

scars of sin. The challenge for us comes in understanding

that when they hear our messages to avoid sin, they often

perceive them as “sin intolerance.” The more we tell them

that they can avoid sin while they find themselves struggling

with it, the more they feel like failures and conclude that

they must hide their sin from parents and leaders.

Expectations. Often, people think of expectations as positive

motivators. We asked 200 students to list the expectations—

coming from their church, parents, or school—that

they needed to meet in order to consider themselves “good

Christians.” They listed 55 expectations, illustrating that

they do not believe that the yoke of Jesus is easy, nor His

burden light. Instead, they see direct contradictions between

some spoken expectations, such as “avoid sinful people” and

“share your faith with your non-Christian friends.” And they

see contradictions between what they are told is expected

of them and what they see in the Bible, such as “no parties”

versus times when Jesus and His disciples went to parties.

by jeff schadt

living as a christian in a

Postmodern World

Living as a Christian in a Postmodern World | CSE Volume 12 Number 1 | 2008–2009 15

Dual life. As we followed up on hypocrisy, asking youth

if it existed among them, they said, “Oh yeah!” The students

defined the hypocrisy they witnessed as “leading an intentionally

deceptive dual life”—in other words, “knowing what

to say and how to act in front of their parents and leaders in

order to look good and keep the peace, but when away from

these influences, living a totally different life.” They indicated

that they work together to get around our rules and

restrictions effectively. In these sessions, students repeatedly

reported that they believed that 55 percent to 95 percent of

the students in their youth group or Christian school were

leading an intentionally deceptive dual life.

Together these factors dull their hearts. Sending underclassmen

into this culture is a recipe for failure because the

majority of students around them are leading a dual life

and are often reveling in the victory of besting the unjust,

unbiblical, or unrealistic rules and expectations. This victory

prevents our students from learning from the negatives

attached to these experiences, causing them to return again

and again, amassing guilt that they do not understand how

to handle and which they will not reveal for fear of consequences.

Thus, their hearts grow numb.

The absence of an effective Christian culture—one

that encourages and allows our youth to fail and to address

guilt—forces our youth to walk in the darkness, a situation

that Scripture indicates leads to blindness and confusion.

We often hear that we learn more from our failures than our

successes. I have found this to be true in my spiritual life

as well. Yet often our fear of potential harm and a desire to

protect students alter our culture. Our ministries teach grace,

but our leadership culture often finds failure and sin unacceptable.

We design church and school cultures to protect

our youth, but far too often those cultures take on the role

of the Holy Spirit in the lives of students as we become the

ones who convict them of sin with our teaching, guide them

by our watchful eyes, and attempt to motivate them through

consequences. Yet as I look at how Christ transformed the

disciples, I see that He did so by replacing the Law’s focus on

external motivation through required sacrifice for failure,

with targeting the heart and internal motivation through

love and grace for His disciples.

The greatest growth and changes I have seen in the lives

of youth have come when they felt convicted by God and

understood the love, acceptance, and genuine encouragement

they would receive from me if they voluntarily walked

into the light. They did so because there was no fear of consequences;

they had been taught that the consequence was

the weight on their chest of guilt placed on their hearts by

God. They had been taught and had witnessed that through

the love, acceptance, and grace of God they would receive

freedom from the burden of the guilt and have the power

for change. In that mind-set, they walked into the light and

sought encouragement and help.

It is vital to remember that soon our students will be

on their own, no longer motivated by our potential consequences.

Instead, they will need to be internally motivated

to live their lives in the light. Our failure to teach in a way

that results in internal motivation and to offer such an environment

where spiritual growth can occur sets our students

up to walk away from the church and handicaps them in

their walk with the Lord for years to come. Yes, sin carries

its own consequences, but I find no example of a time when

Jesus inflicted earthly consequences as a source of motivation

for His disciples. Rather, He talked of heavenly rewards

and eternal consequences.

Having seen so many numb hearts and broken spirits,

and having heard too many tragic stories, I am convinced

that we as leaders must reexamine the statement by Jesus

about His yoke being easy and His burden light. We must

understand that the disciples did not jump up and say they

were ready to go heal the sick, feed the poor, and speak of

Him, but rather likely responded that they did not know

enough, were not good enough, and could not do it. Jesus

must have met that response with a tremendous amount of

reassurance and encouragement, saying that they could do it

and that He was with them—rather than focusing them on

their sin, which He would erase on the cross. When the disciples

scattered in fear upon the arrest of Jesus and when Peter

denied Him three times, did Jesus return with consequences

and scorn for the disciples? Did He remove Peter as the rock

of the church? Or rather, did Jesus quietly encourage them,

meet with them, and then issue these “failed disciples” the

Great Commission? This is the type of leader who motivates

me. How about you?

Jeff Schadt, MABL, is the founder of Youth Transition

Network, a coalition of our nation’s largest youth and college

ministries working together to prepare, motivate, and

transition our youth. He served with Campus Crusade, and

he was the business development manager for TimeSystems

as well as the president of AppointmentZone Inc.

16 2008–2009 | CSE Volume 12 Number 1 | Living as a Christian in a Postmodern World

our ministries teach grace, but our leadership culture often finds failure and sin unacceptable.