Respect is a virtue that everyone expects to receive. Be it your boss, subordinate, colleagues, husband, wife, child, parents, sibling, relative, in-laws, neighbour; everyone merits respect. It is an attitude that makes relationships work and last. It does not matter the ages or status of those involved, everyone deserves respect.
To respect someone is to defer and admire the person. I think everybody needs that admiration whether younger or older. To show respect to people, the following tips will be useful:
* Use title of respect creatively
It is important to know what kind of title makes the other person comfortable. If the company policy stipulates that all staff should be addressed on first name basis but you find your immediate boss uncomfortable with you calling his first name as it is in my country, please put a title of respect that makes your relationship flow smoothly.
* Manner of greetings/pleasantries matters
Not everyone in your life will take a ‘high five’ hand shake from you. In my culture the younger prostrate for the older while some people do not bother about your posture while greeting. The way you greet someone goes a long way to show respect or otherwise.
*Read their emotional gauge carefully
It is important to study the feelings of people around us. We must acknowledge their mood and empathize with them.
*Value their privacy
Admiring someone also involves giving the person the required privacy. Not everyone will be free to share everything with you. So be content with what they share with you despite the fact that you might have shared your entire life with them. Don’t insist on getting facts from people; let them share it with you.
*Be available when needed
Try and go out of your way to be available for the people when they need you most, whether it is convenient for you or not. That will make them feel esteemed. Showing respect to people will not always be rosy, it always come with a price.
*Consider their opinion
Everyone wants to have their opinions valued. When people give you advice, weigh the options. Let them be aware that you are giving their views a consideration even if you may not make use of the advice eventually.
*Tact is very crucial
Discretion is vital in any meaningful relationship. Whenever you need to correct or disagree with anyone you admire, do it skilfully considering the feelings of the other person. There are a lot of times you may need to compromise your stand on non-fundamental issues and let the sleeping dog lie.
*Give regard to the people they value
Respect has a relay effect. You cannot proof that you admire and defer to me when you disrespect my wife or my parents. Relate carefully with the people your friends respect, it will show them you are not taking them for granted.
Reply their letters, emails, SMS
Do not ignore the requests or enquiries of those you admire. It is very depressing and demeaning to be ignored.
Rejoice with them
Celebrate with them when the occasion demands. Remember their birthdays, anniversaries, and send good wishes as well as gifts no matter how small. It is the gesture that matters most.
Friday, June 18, 2010
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
TRUE FRIENDS
True friends
Closer than brothers
Warmth during cold
Refuge in trouble
◊◊◊◊◊◊◊
True friends,
Very hard to find,
Very difficult to lose,
Even if they are very far apart,
Their hearts are in touch,
◊◊◊◊◊◊◊
True friends,
Not based on profit
Not based on benefits,
But on mutual advantages,
◊◊◊◊◊◊
True friends,
That place of comfort during trouble,
That heart that safely keeps all secrets,
That person that cares
◊◊◊◊◊◊◊
True friends,
Anticipate your needs even before you realize them
What can I do?
Without my friends
I mean my true friends.
Closer than brothers
Warmth during cold
Refuge in trouble
◊◊◊◊◊◊◊
True friends,
Very hard to find,
Very difficult to lose,
Even if they are very far apart,
Their hearts are in touch,
◊◊◊◊◊◊◊
True friends,
Not based on profit
Not based on benefits,
But on mutual advantages,
◊◊◊◊◊◊
True friends,
That place of comfort during trouble,
That heart that safely keeps all secrets,
That person that cares
◊◊◊◊◊◊◊
True friends,
Anticipate your needs even before you realize them
What can I do?
Without my friends
I mean my true friends.
How do we get God's attention
We can only get God’s attention by sticking to His will. God will always honour and protect the interest of those that do His will.
He will reveal what everyone is craving for to those that stay in will, that is why Paul said in 1 Cor 2:9 No one's ever seen or heard anything like this, Never so much as imagined anything quite like it- What God has arranged for those who love him.
The best place a man can be is to be in the will of God. Man fell because he used his will wrongly.
WHY DO WE FIND IT DIFFICULT TO DO THE WILL
*The suffering and the shame. Heb 11:8-11
*Immediate gratification –2cor. 8:9
*Secular humanism
*Societal acceptance
THE PROCESS
*Keep yourself exposed to the standard –
Psa 40:6 Sacrifice and offering thou didst not desire; mine ears hast thou opened: burnt offering and sin offering hast thou not required.
Psa 40:7 Then said I, Lo, I come: in the volume of the book it is written of me,
Psa 40:8 I delight to do thy will, O my God: yea, thy law is within my heart.
*Pray until you see it. Psa 143:10 Teach me how to live to please you, because you're my God. Lead me by your blessed Spirit into cleared and level pastureland Make it a rule for everyday living.
*Don’t be quick to carve anything on stone. Strong willed people are mediocre.
*Always keep Christ in focus as our perfect example.
*Be teachable. –
1Pe 5:6 Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time:
1Pe 5:7 Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.
Strong willed people are proud and will want to take glory for their actions. We will not be able to attain the position of LIVING IN HIS SIGHT, if we have our will in place.
WHAT IS WILL
Will is the seat of decision. It is the faculty of our being to judge the best form action to take in any situation.
Act 13:36 For David, after he had served his own generation by the will of God, fell on sleep, and was laid unto his fathers, and saw corruption:
David lived according to the will of God's command, and he died by the will of his decree. He served the good of men, but did not serve the will of men
There are a lot of things that are seen in David's life that are worthy of emulation
*Devoted – lion and the bear could not take the sheep in His care.
*Courageous – He dared Goliath.
*Obtained showbread – 1sam21:1-6; Matt 12:3-4
*Saved keilah – 1sam23:1-13
He will reveal what everyone is craving for to those that stay in will, that is why Paul said in 1 Cor 2:9 No one's ever seen or heard anything like this, Never so much as imagined anything quite like it- What God has arranged for those who love him.
The best place a man can be is to be in the will of God. Man fell because he used his will wrongly.
WHY DO WE FIND IT DIFFICULT TO DO THE WILL
*The suffering and the shame. Heb 11:8-11
*Immediate gratification –2cor. 8:9
*Secular humanism
*Societal acceptance
THE PROCESS
*Keep yourself exposed to the standard –
Psa 40:6 Sacrifice and offering thou didst not desire; mine ears hast thou opened: burnt offering and sin offering hast thou not required.
Psa 40:7 Then said I, Lo, I come: in the volume of the book it is written of me,
Psa 40:8 I delight to do thy will, O my God: yea, thy law is within my heart.
*Pray until you see it. Psa 143:10 Teach me how to live to please you, because you're my God. Lead me by your blessed Spirit into cleared and level pastureland Make it a rule for everyday living.
*Don’t be quick to carve anything on stone. Strong willed people are mediocre.
*Always keep Christ in focus as our perfect example.
*Be teachable. –
1Pe 5:6 Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time:
1Pe 5:7 Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.
Strong willed people are proud and will want to take glory for their actions. We will not be able to attain the position of LIVING IN HIS SIGHT, if we have our will in place.
WHAT IS WILL
Will is the seat of decision. It is the faculty of our being to judge the best form action to take in any situation.
Act 13:36 For David, after he had served his own generation by the will of God, fell on sleep, and was laid unto his fathers, and saw corruption:
David lived according to the will of God's command, and he died by the will of his decree. He served the good of men, but did not serve the will of men
There are a lot of things that are seen in David's life that are worthy of emulation
*Devoted – lion and the bear could not take the sheep in His care.
*Courageous – He dared Goliath.
*Obtained showbread – 1sam21:1-6; Matt 12:3-4
*Saved keilah – 1sam23:1-13
Friday, June 11, 2010
Is it okay to be rude to someone that is rude to you?
It is only in mathematics that minus multiplied by minus equals plus. What I mean by this is that two wrongs do not make a right in real life. The question we should ask ourselves is that, is it right to be rude? Can you describe someone that is rude as being mannerly? Would you like to be associated with someone that is snobbish? Is it not rather degrading to be viewed as being unmannerly? There is a saying that says if someone mentally sound begins to fight with a mad man, it will be difficult to prove that both of them are not mad. If you respond rudely to a rude behaviour, frankly you are also rude.
If honestly you will not want to be unmannerly in your behaviour, why would you then be rude to someone that is rude to you? It is very wrong to always react, rather act or at best be proactive. When you behave rudely to someone that is rude to you, you are reacting and that will never bring the best out you, it will rather fulfil the intention of the person that was rude to you. Do not let anyone ‘remote control’ you. You can be in charge of your emotions and actions. It is very essential to always be objective.
Wikipedia describe Rudeness (also called impudence, talking fresh, sassy or effrontery) as disrespect and failure to behave within the context of a society or a group of people's social laws oretiquette.These laws have already unspokenly been established as the essential boundaries of normally accepted behavior. To be unable or unwilling to align one's behavior with these laws known to the general population of what is socially acceptable is to be rude.
There are basic ways to respond (please mind my choice of word-to respond not to react) to rude people:
1. Assess the issue at hand critically – ask yourself sincerely whether the situation making this person to react actually worth the emotional fireworks intended? When you objectively assess the situation at hand, you will definitely take appropriate actions.
2. Assess the person in question – could it be that this person is under some kind of pressure? Is this person trying to get at me? Have I offended this person in time past? Is this person misbehaviour worth my valuable attention? It will not be a wise investment of time and emotional energy to react to a rude person, if one can critically answer those questions.
3. Seek the path of grace – there times that one will need to just accept individuals with grace. We might just simply respond like Jesus said that ‘Father forgive them for they do not know what they are doing’. Jesus did not spit when they spat on him. It might be difficult but possible if we want to follow the path of truth and be objective. Pro 15:1 A gentle response defuses anger, but a sharp tongue kindles a temper-fire.
4. Give time – given that you will not respond rudely, do not try to correct the person immediately. Give time for the person to mellow down. A rude person is not objective and cannot perceive at that moment the corrective measure you intend.
5. Just ignore – there may be times to just overlook certain behaviours. It may even make the rude person to come back to his senses.
It can never be right to rude to someone that is rude to you, because that makes you also a rude person.
If honestly you will not want to be unmannerly in your behaviour, why would you then be rude to someone that is rude to you? It is very wrong to always react, rather act or at best be proactive. When you behave rudely to someone that is rude to you, you are reacting and that will never bring the best out you, it will rather fulfil the intention of the person that was rude to you. Do not let anyone ‘remote control’ you. You can be in charge of your emotions and actions. It is very essential to always be objective.
Wikipedia describe Rudeness (also called impudence, talking fresh, sassy or effrontery) as disrespect and failure to behave within the context of a society or a group of people's social laws oretiquette.These laws have already unspokenly been established as the essential boundaries of normally accepted behavior. To be unable or unwilling to align one's behavior with these laws known to the general population of what is socially acceptable is to be rude.
There are basic ways to respond (please mind my choice of word-to respond not to react) to rude people:
1. Assess the issue at hand critically – ask yourself sincerely whether the situation making this person to react actually worth the emotional fireworks intended? When you objectively assess the situation at hand, you will definitely take appropriate actions.
2. Assess the person in question – could it be that this person is under some kind of pressure? Is this person trying to get at me? Have I offended this person in time past? Is this person misbehaviour worth my valuable attention? It will not be a wise investment of time and emotional energy to react to a rude person, if one can critically answer those questions.
3. Seek the path of grace – there times that one will need to just accept individuals with grace. We might just simply respond like Jesus said that ‘Father forgive them for they do not know what they are doing’. Jesus did not spit when they spat on him. It might be difficult but possible if we want to follow the path of truth and be objective. Pro 15:1 A gentle response defuses anger, but a sharp tongue kindles a temper-fire.
4. Give time – given that you will not respond rudely, do not try to correct the person immediately. Give time for the person to mellow down. A rude person is not objective and cannot perceive at that moment the corrective measure you intend.
5. Just ignore – there may be times to just overlook certain behaviours. It may even make the rude person to come back to his senses.
It can never be right to rude to someone that is rude to you, because that makes you also a rude person.
Monday, June 7, 2010
Extra-curricular Activities and Peer Pressure
Using physical activities to reduce the negative effect of peer pressure cannot produce lasting result.
Peer pressure is more of sociological and psychological phenomenon than physical. Physical activities are just vehicles to drive what has been designed to affect individuals' behaviour and attitude.
I need to also mention that not all peer pressure result in bad influence. Association and assimilation also has a great way of impacting individuals for positive response. I have been working with teenagers for over a decade now and I have seen that the best way to help a teenager stabilize is to arrange other teenagers that are established in good character around him.
Many of the teenagers I have worked with both at school and the teenage ministry at church have been challenged by the good and productive disposition of the others. Given that peer pressure has led a lot of young people and even adults down the path of destruction, quite a good number have been positively affected by result –oriented individuals around them.
Physical activities by itself will not lead to the reduction but the kind of the activities and the people involved in the activities. A child can be physically involved in many activities and still have enough time to be involved in heinous deeds. As a matter of fact the centres for those activities can a breeding ground for bad influence. Take for example, a parent desiring to reduce the amount of time available for his child decides to enrol him in a music class after school without checking the fine details of the strength of character of the instructors, the kind of children attending the class, the kind of ‘extra class’ activities that go on there. That child may eventually get worse while attending the class if the environment is not appropriate.
As parents and guardians, we must depend on God for inspiration to be creative in ways that we engage our children for after-school activities that will build them up. In as much as they need a high-quality level of socialisation for development, it our responsibility to guide them into activities that will build them up for the future. We cannot afford to just throw them into any available activity.
My candid opinion is that while productive activities are good, the kind of activities and especially the people involved should be carefully screened for young adults. Our focus for teenagers around us should be the deliberate building of their inner man. If they are well built inside they will not only be able withstand bad influence but exert their own positive pressure on those around them.
Peer pressure is more of sociological and psychological phenomenon than physical. Physical activities are just vehicles to drive what has been designed to affect individuals' behaviour and attitude.
I need to also mention that not all peer pressure result in bad influence. Association and assimilation also has a great way of impacting individuals for positive response. I have been working with teenagers for over a decade now and I have seen that the best way to help a teenager stabilize is to arrange other teenagers that are established in good character around him.
Many of the teenagers I have worked with both at school and the teenage ministry at church have been challenged by the good and productive disposition of the others. Given that peer pressure has led a lot of young people and even adults down the path of destruction, quite a good number have been positively affected by result –oriented individuals around them.
Physical activities by itself will not lead to the reduction but the kind of the activities and the people involved in the activities. A child can be physically involved in many activities and still have enough time to be involved in heinous deeds. As a matter of fact the centres for those activities can a breeding ground for bad influence. Take for example, a parent desiring to reduce the amount of time available for his child decides to enrol him in a music class after school without checking the fine details of the strength of character of the instructors, the kind of children attending the class, the kind of ‘extra class’ activities that go on there. That child may eventually get worse while attending the class if the environment is not appropriate.
As parents and guardians, we must depend on God for inspiration to be creative in ways that we engage our children for after-school activities that will build them up. In as much as they need a high-quality level of socialisation for development, it our responsibility to guide them into activities that will build them up for the future. We cannot afford to just throw them into any available activity.
My candid opinion is that while productive activities are good, the kind of activities and especially the people involved should be carefully screened for young adults. Our focus for teenagers around us should be the deliberate building of their inner man. If they are well built inside they will not only be able withstand bad influence but exert their own positive pressure on those around them.
Friday, June 4, 2010
Great Fathers Are Mentors
Fatherhood is an assignment that I have always revered because it goes a long way to shape the outlook to life for mankind. Many of us make decisions today spontaneously or deliberately taking reference from our father.
My dad is a wonderful man that I will always respect. I had thought while growing up that my dad is a bit soft because of the way I hear other people talk about how tough and high-handed their fathers are. This is because he allows us to take our decisions; he makes us come up with suggestions as to what we need to do. I am not saying we get away with those adolescent excesses, but his rules and conditions are clearly stated that you will always know the rewards and otherwise for any action that you take.
I realized later that my father’s approach is the best for a child that will make impact. Everybody has a mindset about issues but a reasonable suggested option will guide in the best direction. Everyone of us in my family(3boys and 3girls) were given the opportunity to decide what we want to do in life, the schools we wanted attend, the courses we wanted to read, the wives/husband we wanted to marry. My father gives us the basic guidelines and leaves us to decide. We may not have plenty money now and have exceedingly glamorous stories to tell yet, but we are on a path to a great end.
That is the way I want to relate with my sons. I want to guide them with God's eyes. I want to depend on God to give them instructions that will clearly state the accurate pattern for life. I want a situation where they will look at the way I live and the decisions I take, and be able to take cues for their life decisions. Children when forced and compelled to do things will do it for a while under your roof but may trash all those ‘commandments’ immediately they are outside your gate. We must realise that God will force no one; He will only place the option before us. Deu 30:19 I call Heaven and Earth to witness against you today: I place before you Life and Death, Blessing and Curse. Choose life so that you and your children will live.
I strongly agree that life is a product of personal adventure, but it is also a network of influence. A father should be one of the strongest influences in the life of an individual. That is when our children’s adventures in life will make meaning and impact.
As we celebrate fathers, we need to be conscious of the pattern that we set before our children. We must make the guidelines clear to them and allow them make intelligent decisions. We must trust God to lead our children aright. Many fathers are too afraid that their children will fail and become wayward that they unnecessarily become overbearing and make them rebellious in the end. Let us train them to know how to listen to God and know that we are custodians not owners.
Good fathers (whether biological or in any other respects) are mentors. Just set the model before them and let them decide.
My dad is a wonderful man that I will always respect. I had thought while growing up that my dad is a bit soft because of the way I hear other people talk about how tough and high-handed their fathers are. This is because he allows us to take our decisions; he makes us come up with suggestions as to what we need to do. I am not saying we get away with those adolescent excesses, but his rules and conditions are clearly stated that you will always know the rewards and otherwise for any action that you take.
I realized later that my father’s approach is the best for a child that will make impact. Everybody has a mindset about issues but a reasonable suggested option will guide in the best direction. Everyone of us in my family(3boys and 3girls) were given the opportunity to decide what we want to do in life, the schools we wanted attend, the courses we wanted to read, the wives/husband we wanted to marry. My father gives us the basic guidelines and leaves us to decide. We may not have plenty money now and have exceedingly glamorous stories to tell yet, but we are on a path to a great end.
That is the way I want to relate with my sons. I want to guide them with God's eyes. I want to depend on God to give them instructions that will clearly state the accurate pattern for life. I want a situation where they will look at the way I live and the decisions I take, and be able to take cues for their life decisions. Children when forced and compelled to do things will do it for a while under your roof but may trash all those ‘commandments’ immediately they are outside your gate. We must realise that God will force no one; He will only place the option before us. Deu 30:19 I call Heaven and Earth to witness against you today: I place before you Life and Death, Blessing and Curse. Choose life so that you and your children will live.
I strongly agree that life is a product of personal adventure, but it is also a network of influence. A father should be one of the strongest influences in the life of an individual. That is when our children’s adventures in life will make meaning and impact.
As we celebrate fathers, we need to be conscious of the pattern that we set before our children. We must make the guidelines clear to them and allow them make intelligent decisions. We must trust God to lead our children aright. Many fathers are too afraid that their children will fail and become wayward that they unnecessarily become overbearing and make them rebellious in the end. Let us train them to know how to listen to God and know that we are custodians not owners.
Good fathers (whether biological or in any other respects) are mentors. Just set the model before them and let them decide.
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