Twenty children cannot play for twenty years. That is an adage in my language. I really wish that I can answer the question of whether friendship should last forever affirmatively. Thinking about some old friends brings a lot of refreshing and great memories to mind. When I consider some childhood friends, I really wish we could get together and be friends again. The real fact is that some friendships are not meant to last forever. A friend of mine once told me that friendship can expire. I totally agree with him, because the relationship with some of my friends has actually expired. It is also sad to say that my friendship with that my friend has also expired.
If we hold tenaciously unto a relationship that has expired, we will just be wasting time, emotional energy, and money. Some other worthwhile relationships may even be hampered. I also need to emphasize that the kind of relationship that is referred to as friendship must be clearly defined otherwise we will be referring to colleagues, business associates, neighbours, school mates, acquaintances as friends. However, any of the aforementioned can eventually become a good friend. A good friend is the one that one opens his heart to us without reservation. A friend is the one that though he complains about your shortcomings, he goes all out to make sure that you are comfortable.
I came up with a short list of issues that may make some friendship to expire:
#1. Distance – I know for sure that a lot of people will surely disagree with me on this, owing to the advancement in information technology. I lost hope that I will never meet some of my friends again because we live thousands of miles apart and they have moved from one place to another with no forwarding addresses, but that is history now, thanks to Facebook and other social media. However, some friendship has declined in affection and quality because of distance. Out of sight is actually out of mind most times. The level of busyness that we experience these days makes it difficult to always refer to someone far away if there is someone nearby that can fill that position suitably.
#2. Belief System – As we grow in life, we embrace new belief system or paradigm. In my own opinion it absolutely difficult to be an intimate friend with someone of another faith. There is no way friends of differing belief systems will be sincere with themselves and not experience unnecessary fireworks. When belief systems of friends changes, their relationship will become obsolete.
#3. Interest/Aspiration – Friends are meant to have shared interests and aspirations. They may not like the same thing but should be relatively close. As we grow in life, interest changes and if our friends’ interest does not change, we may be heading towards divergence in our relationship. When value systems take a turn, we will definitely deviate on our course.
#4. Exposure – In as much as tolerance is a virtue needed for friendship to last, but when friends are poles apart as regards their exposure to life, room will be created for inferiority/superiority complex.
I really wish friendship could last forever but we must face the fact that life is phases and men are in sizes.
Friday, August 13, 2010
Teacher tips: Acceptable attire for teachers
The way you dress is the way you will be addressed. As teachers we must be careful the way we appear as this leave a significant impression on both the parents and the pupils. The parents will be comfortable if they see a responsibly dressed adult taking care and instructing their children. The kids too will not be overly distracted with an inappropriately dressed adult.
As teachers we must be deliberate about our outfits. Teachers are expected to people that command respect in the society. The way you dress to work also speaks volumes on the importance you place on your job. Teachers in most part of the world are looked down upon. The teaching profession is one of the lowest paid jobs and that can also get into the psyche of teachers making them to take many things for granted. But for someone who has taken the profession as a calling and also derives a sense of purpose and joy from it, our appearance has a lot to do with our efficiency on the job.
These are some ideas that may help in dressing appropriately as teachers:
#1. Be discreet: - In as much as we try to be trendy as teachers, we must be careful that whatever we wear is discreet. Ladies should try to wear skirts that are knee length and trousers that are not excessively tight. Attention must be given to the kind of blouse that the ladies wear so that cleavages are not exposed; this will be a great distraction to the older boys especially in high school. We had a situation once, where one of our female teachers who happen to be a little busty wears low blouses that show much cleavage. We discovered that many of the boys were much distracted by this and the school management had to strongly advise her to adjust her wardrobe. The school is a place where morality must be given high priority. Male teachers must endeavour to tuck in their shirts and look smart. Jeans trousers should be worn only when the occasion demands. Colour combination both for male and female must be given adequate attention. Colour riot can disrupt your lessons.
#2. Be appropriate: - our sense of fashion as teachers must be high as we are meant to be models to the upcoming generation. When there are special occasions, our dressing must match the event. For instance a three-piece suit will be inappropriate for sports event in the school. Jeans and t-shirt will just be fine. But ensure that those jeans are without wholes on the knees. Whenever you are going to meet with parents, whether for a conference or other special issues, formal dressing is highly recommended.
#3. Shoe and jewelries:- it is very essential to be moderate with the kind of shoes that we put on. Ladies shoe be wary of high heel shoes in learning environment since teaching requires moving around a lot. Those high heel shoes make a lot of noise and bring enormous distraction. Guys should endeavour to wear not too big a shoe that is meant for long distance hiking and mountaineering but moderate shoe that makes them comfortable moving around in the classroom and hallway.
#4. Make up and others:- Ladies should try and be temperate with makeup. I am not advocating for plain appearance, but the makeup should not be too ‘loud’. Hair style should also be moderate, not the type that will require you adjusting them intermittently. Guys should shave regularly; an unkempt beard or moustache tells a lot about an individual.
Teachers are models; not as celebrities but standards for good and proper conduct. So attention must be given to the way we appear. Our attire must never be a distraction but a tool to arrest the students’ attention. As role models, we are expected to be prim and proper always.
As teachers we must be deliberate about our outfits. Teachers are expected to people that command respect in the society. The way you dress to work also speaks volumes on the importance you place on your job. Teachers in most part of the world are looked down upon. The teaching profession is one of the lowest paid jobs and that can also get into the psyche of teachers making them to take many things for granted. But for someone who has taken the profession as a calling and also derives a sense of purpose and joy from it, our appearance has a lot to do with our efficiency on the job.
These are some ideas that may help in dressing appropriately as teachers:
#1. Be discreet: - In as much as we try to be trendy as teachers, we must be careful that whatever we wear is discreet. Ladies should try to wear skirts that are knee length and trousers that are not excessively tight. Attention must be given to the kind of blouse that the ladies wear so that cleavages are not exposed; this will be a great distraction to the older boys especially in high school. We had a situation once, where one of our female teachers who happen to be a little busty wears low blouses that show much cleavage. We discovered that many of the boys were much distracted by this and the school management had to strongly advise her to adjust her wardrobe. The school is a place where morality must be given high priority. Male teachers must endeavour to tuck in their shirts and look smart. Jeans trousers should be worn only when the occasion demands. Colour combination both for male and female must be given adequate attention. Colour riot can disrupt your lessons.
#2. Be appropriate: - our sense of fashion as teachers must be high as we are meant to be models to the upcoming generation. When there are special occasions, our dressing must match the event. For instance a three-piece suit will be inappropriate for sports event in the school. Jeans and t-shirt will just be fine. But ensure that those jeans are without wholes on the knees. Whenever you are going to meet with parents, whether for a conference or other special issues, formal dressing is highly recommended.
#3. Shoe and jewelries:- it is very essential to be moderate with the kind of shoes that we put on. Ladies shoe be wary of high heel shoes in learning environment since teaching requires moving around a lot. Those high heel shoes make a lot of noise and bring enormous distraction. Guys should endeavour to wear not too big a shoe that is meant for long distance hiking and mountaineering but moderate shoe that makes them comfortable moving around in the classroom and hallway.
#4. Make up and others:- Ladies should try and be temperate with makeup. I am not advocating for plain appearance, but the makeup should not be too ‘loud’. Hair style should also be moderate, not the type that will require you adjusting them intermittently. Guys should shave regularly; an unkempt beard or moustache tells a lot about an individual.
Teachers are models; not as celebrities but standards for good and proper conduct. So attention must be given to the way we appear. Our attire must never be a distraction but a tool to arrest the students’ attention. As role models, we are expected to be prim and proper always.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
How to build a good relationship with your child's teacher
I have been a teacher for more than a decade but my first child started attending school last academic session. It is a different ball game to be a parent. I have related with many parents of the pupils and students that I have taught and I can describe the variations of my relationships with them as either warm, productive, tense, etc. I made up my mind before my son started school that I will do my best to make sure that I become the kind of parent with whom I had the best of relationship.
Building a good relationship with your child’s teacher is very critical to the academic success and psychological development of the child. A good relationship will definitely have a relay effect on how the teacher approaches or relates with your child which in turn affect the academic performance of the child. This will ultimately impact the worldview of the child as regards school.
The following ideas will help build a good and productive relationship with your child’s teacher:
1. Relate with the teacher as a professional – it is quite important to relate with the teacher as someone that knows his or her salt. We may know a lot of things as parents but the teacher has a technical training that equips him to relate with children appropriately. If you try to give instructions or ideas to teachers that suggest to him that you view him as incompetent, the relay effect might not be pleasant on your child. I do my best to let my son’s teacher know that she has the carte blanche to educate my son, despite my superior experience.
2. Express your reservation tactfully: - there are times that I have noticed errors in the teacher’s assessment of my son’s work or some grammatical mistakes in the comments or communicators. I just gently correct her and suggest the right thing to her. A teacher may be on the offensive if you correct his error in a derogatory manner.
3. Make the Parent-Teacher Conference a friendly meeting: - Most times, if care is not taken, Parent-Teacher Conference can generate a lot of fireworks. Do not go to meeting with a long list of complaints about the teacher’s shortcomings. Approach the meeting with an attitude of a partner in progress as regards your child academics. Offer suggestions discreetly.
4. Express your concerns or complaints to the teacher first: - many parents get so angry about some issues about the teacher’s shortcomings or oversight that they go directly to the school management to report. This approach will definitely destroy your relationship with the teacher. Sort out the issue with teacher first. If you are not satisfied with the result after several attempts, then meet the management.
5. Acquaint yourself with some details about the teacher: - Your child teacher will feel elated if you send her a birthday card or text message. Get to know his cell phone number, a fair idea of where he lives, and some other details that he will be comfortable to disclose.
6. Never criticize the teacher in your child presence; your child might relay those unwholesome comments to him. That will create disharmony between you and the teacher.
7. Appreciate the teacher with comments and gifts: - a teacher will be glad to receive good comments about his effort about your child’s academics. Gifts during special seasons such as Christmas will be a good idea.
These ideas will surely help to build a good and worthwhile relationship with your child’s teacher. A good rapport with the teacher will naturally make him have an excellent relationship with your child and this requires a deliberate approach.
Building a good relationship with your child’s teacher is very critical to the academic success and psychological development of the child. A good relationship will definitely have a relay effect on how the teacher approaches or relates with your child which in turn affect the academic performance of the child. This will ultimately impact the worldview of the child as regards school.
The following ideas will help build a good and productive relationship with your child’s teacher:
1. Relate with the teacher as a professional – it is quite important to relate with the teacher as someone that knows his or her salt. We may know a lot of things as parents but the teacher has a technical training that equips him to relate with children appropriately. If you try to give instructions or ideas to teachers that suggest to him that you view him as incompetent, the relay effect might not be pleasant on your child. I do my best to let my son’s teacher know that she has the carte blanche to educate my son, despite my superior experience.
2. Express your reservation tactfully: - there are times that I have noticed errors in the teacher’s assessment of my son’s work or some grammatical mistakes in the comments or communicators. I just gently correct her and suggest the right thing to her. A teacher may be on the offensive if you correct his error in a derogatory manner.
3. Make the Parent-Teacher Conference a friendly meeting: - Most times, if care is not taken, Parent-Teacher Conference can generate a lot of fireworks. Do not go to meeting with a long list of complaints about the teacher’s shortcomings. Approach the meeting with an attitude of a partner in progress as regards your child academics. Offer suggestions discreetly.
4. Express your concerns or complaints to the teacher first: - many parents get so angry about some issues about the teacher’s shortcomings or oversight that they go directly to the school management to report. This approach will definitely destroy your relationship with the teacher. Sort out the issue with teacher first. If you are not satisfied with the result after several attempts, then meet the management.
5. Acquaint yourself with some details about the teacher: - Your child teacher will feel elated if you send her a birthday card or text message. Get to know his cell phone number, a fair idea of where he lives, and some other details that he will be comfortable to disclose.
6. Never criticize the teacher in your child presence; your child might relay those unwholesome comments to him. That will create disharmony between you and the teacher.
7. Appreciate the teacher with comments and gifts: - a teacher will be glad to receive good comments about his effort about your child’s academics. Gifts during special seasons such as Christmas will be a good idea.
These ideas will surely help to build a good and worthwhile relationship with your child’s teacher. A good rapport with the teacher will naturally make him have an excellent relationship with your child and this requires a deliberate approach.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Should cell phone use be banned while driving?
A legistlation against abortion will receive my emphatic NO. But if you want to know what I think on the issue of using cell phone while driving , I will strongly support that it should be banned and anyone found flaunting the law be heavily fined.
Now you are wondering why I would be pro-choice and maintain a stern position on using cell phone while driving. Abortion is a personal decision and the effect both emotional and health-wise is also personal. When someone aborts, the adverse effect is limited to her. Meanwhile, the adverse impact of using cell phone while driving is not likely to be limited to the person alone; but other road users.
The situation of people making call calls, answering calls, sending text messages while driving in my country - Nigeria, is very worrisome. A more strigent approach is very necessary to bring about order.
It is amazing how technologically dependent we have allowed ourselves to become. Most people become shaken and restless when they misplace their cell phone as if their lives depend on it. In as much as cell phone is quite useful, we must not allow ourselves to become its slave.
What would you say of such time when there was no mobile phone? Were people not living well and still doing good businesses? Why would we now allow what suppose to be a tool become our master? A lot of people complain of the fact that there could be emergencies that need to be attended to immediately. What if there are no possible means of getting to the scene of emergency after you have taking the call?
Using cell phone while driving brings about loss of concentration. If it is good news you become over-excited and slam the accelerator beyond acceptable speed, bad news may make an individual slam the break suddenly and cause the vehicle to summersault.
My major discontent with the use of cell phone is that when these accidents happen, in most cases, other road users are affected. Pedestrians just taking a walk may be hit. Someone driving at required speed may be run into. Other people in the same vehicle may also be badly affected.
I seriously support the ban on use of cell phone while driving, because whatever we need to communicate can be done while we park the car and take the call or reply the text. Can you imagine someone sending a text message while driving? In as much as I believe in multitasking, making a call or reading a text message while driving is ‘suicidal multitasking’.
We need a strong enlightenment on how technological dependent we have become. We also need to know how to cure ourselves of the hurry sickness that is eating into the fabrics of our society.
Now you are wondering why I would be pro-choice and maintain a stern position on using cell phone while driving. Abortion is a personal decision and the effect both emotional and health-wise is also personal. When someone aborts, the adverse effect is limited to her. Meanwhile, the adverse impact of using cell phone while driving is not likely to be limited to the person alone; but other road users.
The situation of people making call calls, answering calls, sending text messages while driving in my country - Nigeria, is very worrisome. A more strigent approach is very necessary to bring about order.
It is amazing how technologically dependent we have allowed ourselves to become. Most people become shaken and restless when they misplace their cell phone as if their lives depend on it. In as much as cell phone is quite useful, we must not allow ourselves to become its slave.
What would you say of such time when there was no mobile phone? Were people not living well and still doing good businesses? Why would we now allow what suppose to be a tool become our master? A lot of people complain of the fact that there could be emergencies that need to be attended to immediately. What if there are no possible means of getting to the scene of emergency after you have taking the call?
Using cell phone while driving brings about loss of concentration. If it is good news you become over-excited and slam the accelerator beyond acceptable speed, bad news may make an individual slam the break suddenly and cause the vehicle to summersault.
My major discontent with the use of cell phone is that when these accidents happen, in most cases, other road users are affected. Pedestrians just taking a walk may be hit. Someone driving at required speed may be run into. Other people in the same vehicle may also be badly affected.
I seriously support the ban on use of cell phone while driving, because whatever we need to communicate can be done while we park the car and take the call or reply the text. Can you imagine someone sending a text message while driving? In as much as I believe in multitasking, making a call or reading a text message while driving is ‘suicidal multitasking’.
We need a strong enlightenment on how technological dependent we have become. We also need to know how to cure ourselves of the hurry sickness that is eating into the fabrics of our society.
Amazing Ruth
The story of Ruth is an outstanding piece in the Bible. The story keeps inspiring me every time I read it. I have been a Christian for exactly Twenty years now. I have read the book of Ruth severally and it amazing how Ruth plunged herself into the faith and beliefs of the Jews.
It is undeniably true that Ruth was a one of the great grandmothers of Jesus Christ. How can you reconcile an outsider to the faith of the Jews sharing in the lineage of the Saviour? Technically speaking, everyone on the family tree of Jesus should be a Jew. But Ruth got herself grafted there by unequalled devotion and unwavering commitment.
Can you imagine an Indian lady married to a Pakistani (countries that have always been at loggerhead) followed her mother-in-law to Pakistan after the death of her husband with no child born to him? What Ruth did was quite unthinkable, but I consider it was out of sheer commitment to her husband and by extension her mother-in-law. Moab and Israel were always at one another’s neck. Ruth did not even think that she would be stigmatized or segregated. She followed Naomi all the same.
Orpah her mate wasted no time after a little persuasion to go back. What Ruth said to Naomi has not failed to astonish me over the years: But Ruth answered, "Don't ask me to leave you! Let me go with you. Wherever you go, I will go; wherever you live, I will live. Your people will be my people, and your God will be my God. Wherever you die, I will die, and that is where I will be buried. May the LORD's worst punishment come upon me if I let anything but death separate me from you!" Ruth 1:16-17 (Message Bible). I kept wondering whether Ruth knew the superiority of the God of Israel over the numerous gods of the Moabites. She plunged into that covenant by absolute loyalty.
Another thing that caught my attention about Ruth was her relentless industry. She was extremely diligent when she was gleaning at Boaz’s field. It was recorded that she was on that field all day working. Ladies like that are difficult to come by these days.
The unseen hand of God was also at work in the life of Ruth. How did Ruth find herself on Boaz’s field? Why not another man’s field? I like what Gill commentary says “the providence of God so ordering and directing it; for though it was hap and chance to her, and what some people call good luck, it was according to the purpose, and by the providence and direction of God that she came to the reapers in that part of the field Boaz, a near kinsman of her father-in-law, was owner of, and asked leave of them to glean and follow them.”
I also love Naomi’s kind approach. She was very considerate and supportive for Ruth. God cannot but reward such wonderful gesture. Ruth getting married to Boaz – a rich man, will definitely bring some level of comfort to Naomi.
Ruth finding herself in the genealogy of Jesus Christ validates that principle that God is not a respecter of persons. If we position ourselves aright by the leading of His Spirit, we will be greatly used of Him. Act 10:34-35 Peter began to speak: "I now realize that it is true that God treats everyone on the same basis. Those who fear him and do what is right are acceptable to him, no matter what race they belong to.
It is undeniably true that Ruth was a one of the great grandmothers of Jesus Christ. How can you reconcile an outsider to the faith of the Jews sharing in the lineage of the Saviour? Technically speaking, everyone on the family tree of Jesus should be a Jew. But Ruth got herself grafted there by unequalled devotion and unwavering commitment.
Can you imagine an Indian lady married to a Pakistani (countries that have always been at loggerhead) followed her mother-in-law to Pakistan after the death of her husband with no child born to him? What Ruth did was quite unthinkable, but I consider it was out of sheer commitment to her husband and by extension her mother-in-law. Moab and Israel were always at one another’s neck. Ruth did not even think that she would be stigmatized or segregated. She followed Naomi all the same.
Orpah her mate wasted no time after a little persuasion to go back. What Ruth said to Naomi has not failed to astonish me over the years: But Ruth answered, "Don't ask me to leave you! Let me go with you. Wherever you go, I will go; wherever you live, I will live. Your people will be my people, and your God will be my God. Wherever you die, I will die, and that is where I will be buried. May the LORD's worst punishment come upon me if I let anything but death separate me from you!" Ruth 1:16-17 (Message Bible). I kept wondering whether Ruth knew the superiority of the God of Israel over the numerous gods of the Moabites. She plunged into that covenant by absolute loyalty.
Another thing that caught my attention about Ruth was her relentless industry. She was extremely diligent when she was gleaning at Boaz’s field. It was recorded that she was on that field all day working. Ladies like that are difficult to come by these days.
The unseen hand of God was also at work in the life of Ruth. How did Ruth find herself on Boaz’s field? Why not another man’s field? I like what Gill commentary says “the providence of God so ordering and directing it; for though it was hap and chance to her, and what some people call good luck, it was according to the purpose, and by the providence and direction of God that she came to the reapers in that part of the field Boaz, a near kinsman of her father-in-law, was owner of, and asked leave of them to glean and follow them.”
I also love Naomi’s kind approach. She was very considerate and supportive for Ruth. God cannot but reward such wonderful gesture. Ruth getting married to Boaz – a rich man, will definitely bring some level of comfort to Naomi.
Ruth finding herself in the genealogy of Jesus Christ validates that principle that God is not a respecter of persons. If we position ourselves aright by the leading of His Spirit, we will be greatly used of Him. Act 10:34-35 Peter began to speak: "I now realize that it is true that God treats everyone on the same basis. Those who fear him and do what is right are acceptable to him, no matter what race they belong to.
Accurate Friendship
Friendship is a concept of human existence and community that has spanned through the ages. Friendship is a situation where there is mutual attachment and intimacy. It is a level of relationship that goes beyond acquaintanceship. It is deeper than just knowing few details about one another. The fact that someone tells you her secret does not qualify you to be his friend. True friendship takes a lot of time and effort to build but when attained it is worth the endeavor. Life is not lived in an island. True intimate friendship is an invaluable asset.
Sometimes it takes being away from or losing our friends to appreciate them. That was my experience with my good friend while in the university. He had to go away for his industrial attachment and I thought I would not miss him, since we will still communicate through letters. There were no mobile phones in Nigeria then. Emails were no commonplace. It took both us the first week to realize that we were precious to one another. Issue that we will discuss immediately we get back to the hostel and get off our minds had to wait for weeks. Postal service usually takes a minimum of two weeks then.
Aspects of friendship that determine the best relationship
*Fondness – it is impossible to be a friend with someone that you do not share fondness. A good friendship must be characterized by love, affection and pleasant feeling. You must always want to be in the company of your friend.
*Mutual respect – friends are meant to respect one another. Mutual regards is a necessity if friendship is going to last. It becomes quite annoying when you give due regards to someone and there is no reciprocal approach from the person. No matter how unrelenting, tolerant, and resilient you are, you will eventually burn out.
* Loyalty – friendship will run smoothly when the parties involved can freely share deep feelings and concerns without being afraid that it will hit the headline. It is also important to note that when friends exhibit a high degree of devotion and duty to one another, their level of intimacy will increase.
* Absolute trust – Real friends trust each other. Friends do not suspect. They believe all things and take things at face value.
* Empathy – Empathy is taking a walk in someone else’s moccasin and then gain a firsthand experience of the person’s feeling. Friends feel for one another. If your friends feel joyous and elated, you will not find it difficult to identify with the person immediately.
The qualities to look for in a friend
* The person that will be your friend must share your belief. This is very important because if there is divergence in belief, there will be war at every point there is difference of opinion. It is very difficult for me to agree that people of different belief systems can truly be friends. They may just spend their whole life and time in the relationship tolerating each other.
* Friends must have shared interest. Although it may not be absolute that they will like the same thing hundred percent, the degree of divergence must not be too wide. Their likes and dislikes must have some level of correlation. A party in a friendship cannot be a chronic partying type while the other is deeply involved in church activities. It will not just flow at all. Birds of the same feather must flock together; otherwise they may just be keeping a company that will scatter like a house of cards.
* A friend must be ready to sacrifice. Jesus said in John 15:12 - 15 “This is my command: Love one another the way I loved you. This is the very best way to love. Put your life on the line for your friends. You are my friends when you do the things I command you. I'm no longer calling you servants because servants don't understand what their master is thinking and planning. No, I've named you friends because I've let you in on everything I've heard from the Father.” Friends are meant to be there when we rejoice and cry with us when we mourn. Fair weather fellows cannot make good friends.
* Patience – A good friend must be patient. It is said that even identical twins born of the same mother, proceeding from the same womb on the same day will still have differences. It is therefore important that friends must be ready to endure their differences and respect their uniqueness. There will moment of intense interactions, but the undergirding factor will be love woven with patience. Pro 18:24 “Friends come and friends go, but a true friend sticks by you like family. “ Friends must be ready to spend and be spent. Pro 19:6 ‘Lots of people flock around a generous person; everyone's a friend to the philanthropist.’ This is close to the sacrifice factor. Friendship sometimes can be tasking but when there is mutual interest and concern, pain and demands are nothing but joys to savour that you have been of help to someone.
* Frankness – in friendship, there must be absolute trust and openness that makes it possible for the other party to call one to order. If my friend will not be bold enough to tell me when I am sliding off the track, then we are just playing games. Openness is a critical quality of enduring friendship. I remember when my friend that I mentioned earlier gently called me aside and asked about my prayer life. We were staying in the same room while in the hostel at the university. I used to wake up exactly 2am to go to a secluded place to pray till 3 or 4am. It got to a time that I got busy with some other activities that I was not waking up to pray again. He observed this for some time and found out what the matter was. That brought me back on track to resume my spiritual discipline. Happy is the man that has someone to point out his error to him.
* Fun – I must be relaxed with my friends to have fun with them. When pleasantries are shared in very official manner, then we are just business partners or colleagues. Friends throw banters and laugh hilariously. They can go to any length to enjoy themselves. That is why good friends are always looking out for one another to just relax and fun, because they are sure that they cannot be misunderstood for any action or statement.
How to maintain Enduring Friendship
*Talk – conversation is very important if a relationship is going to work. When we talk we bare our minds and express our feelings. It very easy now to maintain contact with friends. In the days we were growing up, we write letters and wait for a minimum of three weeks to get a reply, but I can be in Nigeria and engage in Instant Messaging with my friend in Seattle. Distance is no longer a barrier to converse.
*Listen – listening is an art that we all need to learn, because it is difficult for people to keep what is their mind and wait for the other person to finish saying his own. It is important not to take listening for granted, never realizing what it means to really listen to a friend.
Give – friendship is about give and take. If you are always receiving from a friend and not ready to give no matter how small, your friend will soon be tired of you irrespective of how generous the person is. We must learn to give time, money, gifts, and attention to our friends.
* Take – I need to add that we must be humble enough to take from our friends. Some fellows are so proud that they consider collecting things from their friends makes them inferior. True friends never think of whether they are inferior or superior. Friends must think equality in their relationship.
*Remember the little things – it is quite important to acknowledge that despite you have shared interest with your friends; you still need to understand that they are unique; it is wise to know the little things that make them happy or sad.
* Respect their privacy – this sounds ironic, but if friendship is going to work, we must be ready to give a distance when you sense that your friends need it. For instance if your friend is a married man and you realize he does not want to discuss a particular issue that has to do with his wife, leave it and respect him for that. You never may tell that he may call you on phone the next minute spilling everything out, but if you try to force him, he may get irritated. I always ask my friends the tactical question ‘do you want to talk about this later?’ If they never bring it up by themselves I never ask as long as it is not fundamental.
* Affirm – affirmation is a potent tool for maintaining friendship. We must not be found being economical in praising our friends, it can greatly affect their outlook to life because they believe in the sincerity of our judgment.
*Forgive and forget – forgiving those that you love and trust is a huge task, but for the relationship to grow we must forgive when we are hurt. From experience, the relationship grows stronger after a session of quarrels and eventual forgiveness and forgetting. It is very important to trust God not to make reference to issue dealt with in the past when we have issues to sort out as it may indicate that we never forgave in the first place.
*Sincerity – sincerity is allowing your action to be judged by sunlight, in which is there is no hidden agenda. In friendship, openness is a critical factor that will make the relationship last for long
Soul Connection?
The concept of soul connection has many varied explanations that one has to be careful accepting it hook, line and sinker. In my own understanding, soul connection should be taken for what it is, a connection of the mind, the will and emotion. Friends will have to think alike- that is the mind, I must be excited and saddened by what excites and make my friends sad, that is the emotion, and I must have relatively similar decision pattern with my friend – that is the will. So I agree that soul connection is necessary for lasting and joyful friendship if it is line with my view. David and Jonathan had soul connection and that made their friendship worthwhile.
Christian Love and Accurate Friendship
Friendship can never be accurate unless it based on the principles of the scriptures. That may sound too strict but narrow is the Way. Our kingdom runs on the principles of absolutes. Jesus Christ laid the example for us. All the attributes and qualities aforementioned cannot be exercised unless the love of Christ is shed abroad in our hearts. Paul stated those attributes of love that are essential for lasting friendship in 1Co 13:4 -7 ‘ Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than for self. Love doesn't want what it doesn't have. Love doesn't strut, Doesn't have a swelled head, doesn't force itself on others, Isn't always "me first," Doesn't fly off the handle, Doesn't keep score of the sins of others, doesn't revel when others grovel, Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, puts up with anything, Trusts God always, Always looks for the best, Never looks back, But keeps going to the end.’
We will not be able to exhibit those qualities listed above unless we have that love of Christ controlling us. 2Co 5:14 ‘We are ruled by the love of Christ, now that we recognize that one man died for everyone, which means that they all share in his death.’
Sometimes it takes being away from or losing our friends to appreciate them. That was my experience with my good friend while in the university. He had to go away for his industrial attachment and I thought I would not miss him, since we will still communicate through letters. There were no mobile phones in Nigeria then. Emails were no commonplace. It took both us the first week to realize that we were precious to one another. Issue that we will discuss immediately we get back to the hostel and get off our minds had to wait for weeks. Postal service usually takes a minimum of two weeks then.
Aspects of friendship that determine the best relationship
*Fondness – it is impossible to be a friend with someone that you do not share fondness. A good friendship must be characterized by love, affection and pleasant feeling. You must always want to be in the company of your friend.
*Mutual respect – friends are meant to respect one another. Mutual regards is a necessity if friendship is going to last. It becomes quite annoying when you give due regards to someone and there is no reciprocal approach from the person. No matter how unrelenting, tolerant, and resilient you are, you will eventually burn out.
* Loyalty – friendship will run smoothly when the parties involved can freely share deep feelings and concerns without being afraid that it will hit the headline. It is also important to note that when friends exhibit a high degree of devotion and duty to one another, their level of intimacy will increase.
* Absolute trust – Real friends trust each other. Friends do not suspect. They believe all things and take things at face value.
* Empathy – Empathy is taking a walk in someone else’s moccasin and then gain a firsthand experience of the person’s feeling. Friends feel for one another. If your friends feel joyous and elated, you will not find it difficult to identify with the person immediately.
The qualities to look for in a friend
* The person that will be your friend must share your belief. This is very important because if there is divergence in belief, there will be war at every point there is difference of opinion. It is very difficult for me to agree that people of different belief systems can truly be friends. They may just spend their whole life and time in the relationship tolerating each other.
* Friends must have shared interest. Although it may not be absolute that they will like the same thing hundred percent, the degree of divergence must not be too wide. Their likes and dislikes must have some level of correlation. A party in a friendship cannot be a chronic partying type while the other is deeply involved in church activities. It will not just flow at all. Birds of the same feather must flock together; otherwise they may just be keeping a company that will scatter like a house of cards.
* A friend must be ready to sacrifice. Jesus said in John 15:12 - 15 “This is my command: Love one another the way I loved you. This is the very best way to love. Put your life on the line for your friends. You are my friends when you do the things I command you. I'm no longer calling you servants because servants don't understand what their master is thinking and planning. No, I've named you friends because I've let you in on everything I've heard from the Father.” Friends are meant to be there when we rejoice and cry with us when we mourn. Fair weather fellows cannot make good friends.
* Patience – A good friend must be patient. It is said that even identical twins born of the same mother, proceeding from the same womb on the same day will still have differences. It is therefore important that friends must be ready to endure their differences and respect their uniqueness. There will moment of intense interactions, but the undergirding factor will be love woven with patience. Pro 18:24 “Friends come and friends go, but a true friend sticks by you like family. “ Friends must be ready to spend and be spent. Pro 19:6 ‘Lots of people flock around a generous person; everyone's a friend to the philanthropist.’ This is close to the sacrifice factor. Friendship sometimes can be tasking but when there is mutual interest and concern, pain and demands are nothing but joys to savour that you have been of help to someone.
* Frankness – in friendship, there must be absolute trust and openness that makes it possible for the other party to call one to order. If my friend will not be bold enough to tell me when I am sliding off the track, then we are just playing games. Openness is a critical quality of enduring friendship. I remember when my friend that I mentioned earlier gently called me aside and asked about my prayer life. We were staying in the same room while in the hostel at the university. I used to wake up exactly 2am to go to a secluded place to pray till 3 or 4am. It got to a time that I got busy with some other activities that I was not waking up to pray again. He observed this for some time and found out what the matter was. That brought me back on track to resume my spiritual discipline. Happy is the man that has someone to point out his error to him.
* Fun – I must be relaxed with my friends to have fun with them. When pleasantries are shared in very official manner, then we are just business partners or colleagues. Friends throw banters and laugh hilariously. They can go to any length to enjoy themselves. That is why good friends are always looking out for one another to just relax and fun, because they are sure that they cannot be misunderstood for any action or statement.
How to maintain Enduring Friendship
*Talk – conversation is very important if a relationship is going to work. When we talk we bare our minds and express our feelings. It very easy now to maintain contact with friends. In the days we were growing up, we write letters and wait for a minimum of three weeks to get a reply, but I can be in Nigeria and engage in Instant Messaging with my friend in Seattle. Distance is no longer a barrier to converse.
*Listen – listening is an art that we all need to learn, because it is difficult for people to keep what is their mind and wait for the other person to finish saying his own. It is important not to take listening for granted, never realizing what it means to really listen to a friend.
Give – friendship is about give and take. If you are always receiving from a friend and not ready to give no matter how small, your friend will soon be tired of you irrespective of how generous the person is. We must learn to give time, money, gifts, and attention to our friends.
* Take – I need to add that we must be humble enough to take from our friends. Some fellows are so proud that they consider collecting things from their friends makes them inferior. True friends never think of whether they are inferior or superior. Friends must think equality in their relationship.
*Remember the little things – it is quite important to acknowledge that despite you have shared interest with your friends; you still need to understand that they are unique; it is wise to know the little things that make them happy or sad.
* Respect their privacy – this sounds ironic, but if friendship is going to work, we must be ready to give a distance when you sense that your friends need it. For instance if your friend is a married man and you realize he does not want to discuss a particular issue that has to do with his wife, leave it and respect him for that. You never may tell that he may call you on phone the next minute spilling everything out, but if you try to force him, he may get irritated. I always ask my friends the tactical question ‘do you want to talk about this later?’ If they never bring it up by themselves I never ask as long as it is not fundamental.
* Affirm – affirmation is a potent tool for maintaining friendship. We must not be found being economical in praising our friends, it can greatly affect their outlook to life because they believe in the sincerity of our judgment.
*Forgive and forget – forgiving those that you love and trust is a huge task, but for the relationship to grow we must forgive when we are hurt. From experience, the relationship grows stronger after a session of quarrels and eventual forgiveness and forgetting. It is very important to trust God not to make reference to issue dealt with in the past when we have issues to sort out as it may indicate that we never forgave in the first place.
*Sincerity – sincerity is allowing your action to be judged by sunlight, in which is there is no hidden agenda. In friendship, openness is a critical factor that will make the relationship last for long
Soul Connection?
The concept of soul connection has many varied explanations that one has to be careful accepting it hook, line and sinker. In my own understanding, soul connection should be taken for what it is, a connection of the mind, the will and emotion. Friends will have to think alike- that is the mind, I must be excited and saddened by what excites and make my friends sad, that is the emotion, and I must have relatively similar decision pattern with my friend – that is the will. So I agree that soul connection is necessary for lasting and joyful friendship if it is line with my view. David and Jonathan had soul connection and that made their friendship worthwhile.
Christian Love and Accurate Friendship
Friendship can never be accurate unless it based on the principles of the scriptures. That may sound too strict but narrow is the Way. Our kingdom runs on the principles of absolutes. Jesus Christ laid the example for us. All the attributes and qualities aforementioned cannot be exercised unless the love of Christ is shed abroad in our hearts. Paul stated those attributes of love that are essential for lasting friendship in 1Co 13:4 -7 ‘ Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than for self. Love doesn't want what it doesn't have. Love doesn't strut, Doesn't have a swelled head, doesn't force itself on others, Isn't always "me first," Doesn't fly off the handle, Doesn't keep score of the sins of others, doesn't revel when others grovel, Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, puts up with anything, Trusts God always, Always looks for the best, Never looks back, But keeps going to the end.’
We will not be able to exhibit those qualities listed above unless we have that love of Christ controlling us. 2Co 5:14 ‘We are ruled by the love of Christ, now that we recognize that one man died for everyone, which means that they all share in his death.’
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