Friendship is a concept of human existence and community that has spanned through the ages. Friendship is a situation where there is mutual attachment and intimacy. It is a level of relationship that goes beyond acquaintanceship. It is deeper than just knowing few details about one another. The fact that someone tells you her secret does not qualify you to be his friend. True friendship takes a lot of time and effort to build but when attained it is worth the endeavor. Life is not lived in an island. True intimate friendship is an invaluable asset.
Sometimes it takes being away from or losing our friends to appreciate them. That was my experience with my good friend while in the university. He had to go away for his industrial attachment and I thought I would not miss him, since we will still communicate through letters. There were no mobile phones in Nigeria then. Emails were no commonplace. It took both us the first week to realize that we were precious to one another. Issue that we will discuss immediately we get back to the hostel and get off our minds had to wait for weeks. Postal service usually takes a minimum of two weeks then.
Aspects of friendship that determine the best relationship
*Fondness – it is impossible to be a friend with someone that you do not share fondness. A good friendship must be characterized by love, affection and pleasant feeling. You must always want to be in the company of your friend.
*Mutual respect – friends are meant to respect one another. Mutual regards is a necessity if friendship is going to last. It becomes quite annoying when you give due regards to someone and there is no reciprocal approach from the person. No matter how unrelenting, tolerant, and resilient you are, you will eventually burn out.
* Loyalty – friendship will run smoothly when the parties involved can freely share deep feelings and concerns without being afraid that it will hit the headline. It is also important to note that when friends exhibit a high degree of devotion and duty to one another, their level of intimacy will increase.
* Absolute trust – Real friends trust each other. Friends do not suspect. They believe all things and take things at face value.
* Empathy – Empathy is taking a walk in someone else’s moccasin and then gain a firsthand experience of the person’s feeling. Friends feel for one another. If your friends feel joyous and elated, you will not find it difficult to identify with the person immediately.
The qualities to look for in a friend
* The person that will be your friend must share your belief. This is very important because if there is divergence in belief, there will be war at every point there is difference of opinion. It is very difficult for me to agree that people of different belief systems can truly be friends. They may just spend their whole life and time in the relationship tolerating each other.
* Friends must have shared interest. Although it may not be absolute that they will like the same thing hundred percent, the degree of divergence must not be too wide. Their likes and dislikes must have some level of correlation. A party in a friendship cannot be a chronic partying type while the other is deeply involved in church activities. It will not just flow at all. Birds of the same feather must flock together; otherwise they may just be keeping a company that will scatter like a house of cards.
* A friend must be ready to sacrifice. Jesus said in John 15:12 - 15 “This is my command: Love one another the way I loved you. This is the very best way to love. Put your life on the line for your friends. You are my friends when you do the things I command you. I'm no longer calling you servants because servants don't understand what their master is thinking and planning. No, I've named you friends because I've let you in on everything I've heard from the Father.” Friends are meant to be there when we rejoice and cry with us when we mourn. Fair weather fellows cannot make good friends.
* Patience – A good friend must be patient. It is said that even identical twins born of the same mother, proceeding from the same womb on the same day will still have differences. It is therefore important that friends must be ready to endure their differences and respect their uniqueness. There will moment of intense interactions, but the undergirding factor will be love woven with patience. Pro 18:24 “Friends come and friends go, but a true friend sticks by you like family. “ Friends must be ready to spend and be spent. Pro 19:6 ‘Lots of people flock around a generous person; everyone's a friend to the philanthropist.’ This is close to the sacrifice factor. Friendship sometimes can be tasking but when there is mutual interest and concern, pain and demands are nothing but joys to savour that you have been of help to someone.
* Frankness – in friendship, there must be absolute trust and openness that makes it possible for the other party to call one to order. If my friend will not be bold enough to tell me when I am sliding off the track, then we are just playing games. Openness is a critical quality of enduring friendship. I remember when my friend that I mentioned earlier gently called me aside and asked about my prayer life. We were staying in the same room while in the hostel at the university. I used to wake up exactly 2am to go to a secluded place to pray till 3 or 4am. It got to a time that I got busy with some other activities that I was not waking up to pray again. He observed this for some time and found out what the matter was. That brought me back on track to resume my spiritual discipline. Happy is the man that has someone to point out his error to him.
* Fun – I must be relaxed with my friends to have fun with them. When pleasantries are shared in very official manner, then we are just business partners or colleagues. Friends throw banters and laugh hilariously. They can go to any length to enjoy themselves. That is why good friends are always looking out for one another to just relax and fun, because they are sure that they cannot be misunderstood for any action or statement.
How to maintain Enduring Friendship
*Talk – conversation is very important if a relationship is going to work. When we talk we bare our minds and express our feelings. It very easy now to maintain contact with friends. In the days we were growing up, we write letters and wait for a minimum of three weeks to get a reply, but I can be in Nigeria and engage in Instant Messaging with my friend in Seattle. Distance is no longer a barrier to converse.
*Listen – listening is an art that we all need to learn, because it is difficult for people to keep what is their mind and wait for the other person to finish saying his own. It is important not to take listening for granted, never realizing what it means to really listen to a friend.
Give – friendship is about give and take. If you are always receiving from a friend and not ready to give no matter how small, your friend will soon be tired of you irrespective of how generous the person is. We must learn to give time, money, gifts, and attention to our friends.
* Take – I need to add that we must be humble enough to take from our friends. Some fellows are so proud that they consider collecting things from their friends makes them inferior. True friends never think of whether they are inferior or superior. Friends must think equality in their relationship.
*Remember the little things – it is quite important to acknowledge that despite you have shared interest with your friends; you still need to understand that they are unique; it is wise to know the little things that make them happy or sad.
* Respect their privacy – this sounds ironic, but if friendship is going to work, we must be ready to give a distance when you sense that your friends need it. For instance if your friend is a married man and you realize he does not want to discuss a particular issue that has to do with his wife, leave it and respect him for that. You never may tell that he may call you on phone the next minute spilling everything out, but if you try to force him, he may get irritated. I always ask my friends the tactical question ‘do you want to talk about this later?’ If they never bring it up by themselves I never ask as long as it is not fundamental.
* Affirm – affirmation is a potent tool for maintaining friendship. We must not be found being economical in praising our friends, it can greatly affect their outlook to life because they believe in the sincerity of our judgment.
*Forgive and forget – forgiving those that you love and trust is a huge task, but for the relationship to grow we must forgive when we are hurt. From experience, the relationship grows stronger after a session of quarrels and eventual forgiveness and forgetting. It is very important to trust God not to make reference to issue dealt with in the past when we have issues to sort out as it may indicate that we never forgave in the first place.
*Sincerity – sincerity is allowing your action to be judged by sunlight, in which is there is no hidden agenda. In friendship, openness is a critical factor that will make the relationship last for long
Soul Connection?
The concept of soul connection has many varied explanations that one has to be careful accepting it hook, line and sinker. In my own understanding, soul connection should be taken for what it is, a connection of the mind, the will and emotion. Friends will have to think alike- that is the mind, I must be excited and saddened by what excites and make my friends sad, that is the emotion, and I must have relatively similar decision pattern with my friend – that is the will. So I agree that soul connection is necessary for lasting and joyful friendship if it is line with my view. David and Jonathan had soul connection and that made their friendship worthwhile.
Christian Love and Accurate Friendship
Friendship can never be accurate unless it based on the principles of the scriptures. That may sound too strict but narrow is the Way. Our kingdom runs on the principles of absolutes. Jesus Christ laid the example for us. All the attributes and qualities aforementioned cannot be exercised unless the love of Christ is shed abroad in our hearts. Paul stated those attributes of love that are essential for lasting friendship in 1Co 13:4 -7 ‘ Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than for self. Love doesn't want what it doesn't have. Love doesn't strut, Doesn't have a swelled head, doesn't force itself on others, Isn't always "me first," Doesn't fly off the handle, Doesn't keep score of the sins of others, doesn't revel when others grovel, Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, puts up with anything, Trusts God always, Always looks for the best, Never looks back, But keeps going to the end.’
We will not be able to exhibit those qualities listed above unless we have that love of Christ controlling us. 2Co 5:14 ‘We are ruled by the love of Christ, now that we recognize that one man died for everyone, which means that they all share in his death.’
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Friday, June 18, 2010
TIPS ON SHOWING RESPECT
Respect is a virtue that everyone expects to receive. Be it your boss, subordinate, colleagues, husband, wife, child, parents, sibling, relative, in-laws, neighbour; everyone merits respect. It is an attitude that makes relationships work and last. It does not matter the ages or status of those involved, everyone deserves respect.
To respect someone is to defer and admire the person. I think everybody needs that admiration whether younger or older. To show respect to people, the following tips will be useful:
* Use title of respect creatively
It is important to know what kind of title makes the other person comfortable. If the company policy stipulates that all staff should be addressed on first name basis but you find your immediate boss uncomfortable with you calling his first name as it is in my country, please put a title of respect that makes your relationship flow smoothly.
* Manner of greetings/pleasantries matters
Not everyone in your life will take a ‘high five’ hand shake from you. In my culture the younger prostrate for the older while some people do not bother about your posture while greeting. The way you greet someone goes a long way to show respect or otherwise.
*Read their emotional gauge carefully
It is important to study the feelings of people around us. We must acknowledge their mood and empathize with them.
*Value their privacy
Admiring someone also involves giving the person the required privacy. Not everyone will be free to share everything with you. So be content with what they share with you despite the fact that you might have shared your entire life with them. Don’t insist on getting facts from people; let them share it with you.
*Be available when needed
Try and go out of your way to be available for the people when they need you most, whether it is convenient for you or not. That will make them feel esteemed. Showing respect to people will not always be rosy, it always come with a price.
*Consider their opinion
Everyone wants to have their opinions valued. When people give you advice, weigh the options. Let them be aware that you are giving their views a consideration even if you may not make use of the advice eventually.
*Tact is very crucial
Discretion is vital in any meaningful relationship. Whenever you need to correct or disagree with anyone you admire, do it skilfully considering the feelings of the other person. There are a lot of times you may need to compromise your stand on non-fundamental issues and let the sleeping dog lie.
*Give regard to the people they value
Respect has a relay effect. You cannot proof that you admire and defer to me when you disrespect my wife or my parents. Relate carefully with the people your friends respect, it will show them you are not taking them for granted.
Reply their letters, emails, SMS
Do not ignore the requests or enquiries of those you admire. It is very depressing and demeaning to be ignored.
Rejoice with them
Celebrate with them when the occasion demands. Remember their birthdays, anniversaries, and send good wishes as well as gifts no matter how small. It is the gesture that matters most.
To respect someone is to defer and admire the person. I think everybody needs that admiration whether younger or older. To show respect to people, the following tips will be useful:
* Use title of respect creatively
It is important to know what kind of title makes the other person comfortable. If the company policy stipulates that all staff should be addressed on first name basis but you find your immediate boss uncomfortable with you calling his first name as it is in my country, please put a title of respect that makes your relationship flow smoothly.
* Manner of greetings/pleasantries matters
Not everyone in your life will take a ‘high five’ hand shake from you. In my culture the younger prostrate for the older while some people do not bother about your posture while greeting. The way you greet someone goes a long way to show respect or otherwise.
*Read their emotional gauge carefully
It is important to study the feelings of people around us. We must acknowledge their mood and empathize with them.
*Value their privacy
Admiring someone also involves giving the person the required privacy. Not everyone will be free to share everything with you. So be content with what they share with you despite the fact that you might have shared your entire life with them. Don’t insist on getting facts from people; let them share it with you.
*Be available when needed
Try and go out of your way to be available for the people when they need you most, whether it is convenient for you or not. That will make them feel esteemed. Showing respect to people will not always be rosy, it always come with a price.
*Consider their opinion
Everyone wants to have their opinions valued. When people give you advice, weigh the options. Let them be aware that you are giving their views a consideration even if you may not make use of the advice eventually.
*Tact is very crucial
Discretion is vital in any meaningful relationship. Whenever you need to correct or disagree with anyone you admire, do it skilfully considering the feelings of the other person. There are a lot of times you may need to compromise your stand on non-fundamental issues and let the sleeping dog lie.
*Give regard to the people they value
Respect has a relay effect. You cannot proof that you admire and defer to me when you disrespect my wife or my parents. Relate carefully with the people your friends respect, it will show them you are not taking them for granted.
Reply their letters, emails, SMS
Do not ignore the requests or enquiries of those you admire. It is very depressing and demeaning to be ignored.
Rejoice with them
Celebrate with them when the occasion demands. Remember their birthdays, anniversaries, and send good wishes as well as gifts no matter how small. It is the gesture that matters most.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
TRUE FRIENDS
True friends
Closer than brothers
Warmth during cold
Refuge in trouble
◊◊◊◊◊◊◊
True friends,
Very hard to find,
Very difficult to lose,
Even if they are very far apart,
Their hearts are in touch,
◊◊◊◊◊◊◊
True friends,
Not based on profit
Not based on benefits,
But on mutual advantages,
◊◊◊◊◊◊
True friends,
That place of comfort during trouble,
That heart that safely keeps all secrets,
That person that cares
◊◊◊◊◊◊◊
True friends,
Anticipate your needs even before you realize them
What can I do?
Without my friends
I mean my true friends.
Closer than brothers
Warmth during cold
Refuge in trouble
◊◊◊◊◊◊◊
True friends,
Very hard to find,
Very difficult to lose,
Even if they are very far apart,
Their hearts are in touch,
◊◊◊◊◊◊◊
True friends,
Not based on profit
Not based on benefits,
But on mutual advantages,
◊◊◊◊◊◊
True friends,
That place of comfort during trouble,
That heart that safely keeps all secrets,
That person that cares
◊◊◊◊◊◊◊
True friends,
Anticipate your needs even before you realize them
What can I do?
Without my friends
I mean my true friends.
How do we get God's attention
We can only get God’s attention by sticking to His will. God will always honour and protect the interest of those that do His will.
He will reveal what everyone is craving for to those that stay in will, that is why Paul said in 1 Cor 2:9 No one's ever seen or heard anything like this, Never so much as imagined anything quite like it- What God has arranged for those who love him.
The best place a man can be is to be in the will of God. Man fell because he used his will wrongly.
WHY DO WE FIND IT DIFFICULT TO DO THE WILL
*The suffering and the shame. Heb 11:8-11
*Immediate gratification –2cor. 8:9
*Secular humanism
*Societal acceptance
THE PROCESS
*Keep yourself exposed to the standard –
Psa 40:6 Sacrifice and offering thou didst not desire; mine ears hast thou opened: burnt offering and sin offering hast thou not required.
Psa 40:7 Then said I, Lo, I come: in the volume of the book it is written of me,
Psa 40:8 I delight to do thy will, O my God: yea, thy law is within my heart.
*Pray until you see it. Psa 143:10 Teach me how to live to please you, because you're my God. Lead me by your blessed Spirit into cleared and level pastureland Make it a rule for everyday living.
*Don’t be quick to carve anything on stone. Strong willed people are mediocre.
*Always keep Christ in focus as our perfect example.
*Be teachable. –
1Pe 5:6 Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time:
1Pe 5:7 Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.
Strong willed people are proud and will want to take glory for their actions. We will not be able to attain the position of LIVING IN HIS SIGHT, if we have our will in place.
WHAT IS WILL
Will is the seat of decision. It is the faculty of our being to judge the best form action to take in any situation.
Act 13:36 For David, after he had served his own generation by the will of God, fell on sleep, and was laid unto his fathers, and saw corruption:
David lived according to the will of God's command, and he died by the will of his decree. He served the good of men, but did not serve the will of men
There are a lot of things that are seen in David's life that are worthy of emulation
*Devoted – lion and the bear could not take the sheep in His care.
*Courageous – He dared Goliath.
*Obtained showbread – 1sam21:1-6; Matt 12:3-4
*Saved keilah – 1sam23:1-13
He will reveal what everyone is craving for to those that stay in will, that is why Paul said in 1 Cor 2:9 No one's ever seen or heard anything like this, Never so much as imagined anything quite like it- What God has arranged for those who love him.
The best place a man can be is to be in the will of God. Man fell because he used his will wrongly.
WHY DO WE FIND IT DIFFICULT TO DO THE WILL
*The suffering and the shame. Heb 11:8-11
*Immediate gratification –2cor. 8:9
*Secular humanism
*Societal acceptance
THE PROCESS
*Keep yourself exposed to the standard –
Psa 40:6 Sacrifice and offering thou didst not desire; mine ears hast thou opened: burnt offering and sin offering hast thou not required.
Psa 40:7 Then said I, Lo, I come: in the volume of the book it is written of me,
Psa 40:8 I delight to do thy will, O my God: yea, thy law is within my heart.
*Pray until you see it. Psa 143:10 Teach me how to live to please you, because you're my God. Lead me by your blessed Spirit into cleared and level pastureland Make it a rule for everyday living.
*Don’t be quick to carve anything on stone. Strong willed people are mediocre.
*Always keep Christ in focus as our perfect example.
*Be teachable. –
1Pe 5:6 Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time:
1Pe 5:7 Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.
Strong willed people are proud and will want to take glory for their actions. We will not be able to attain the position of LIVING IN HIS SIGHT, if we have our will in place.
WHAT IS WILL
Will is the seat of decision. It is the faculty of our being to judge the best form action to take in any situation.
Act 13:36 For David, after he had served his own generation by the will of God, fell on sleep, and was laid unto his fathers, and saw corruption:
David lived according to the will of God's command, and he died by the will of his decree. He served the good of men, but did not serve the will of men
There are a lot of things that are seen in David's life that are worthy of emulation
*Devoted – lion and the bear could not take the sheep in His care.
*Courageous – He dared Goliath.
*Obtained showbread – 1sam21:1-6; Matt 12:3-4
*Saved keilah – 1sam23:1-13
Friday, June 11, 2010
Is it okay to be rude to someone that is rude to you?
It is only in mathematics that minus multiplied by minus equals plus. What I mean by this is that two wrongs do not make a right in real life. The question we should ask ourselves is that, is it right to be rude? Can you describe someone that is rude as being mannerly? Would you like to be associated with someone that is snobbish? Is it not rather degrading to be viewed as being unmannerly? There is a saying that says if someone mentally sound begins to fight with a mad man, it will be difficult to prove that both of them are not mad. If you respond rudely to a rude behaviour, frankly you are also rude.
If honestly you will not want to be unmannerly in your behaviour, why would you then be rude to someone that is rude to you? It is very wrong to always react, rather act or at best be proactive. When you behave rudely to someone that is rude to you, you are reacting and that will never bring the best out you, it will rather fulfil the intention of the person that was rude to you. Do not let anyone ‘remote control’ you. You can be in charge of your emotions and actions. It is very essential to always be objective.
Wikipedia describe Rudeness (also called impudence, talking fresh, sassy or effrontery) as disrespect and failure to behave within the context of a society or a group of people's social laws oretiquette.These laws have already unspokenly been established as the essential boundaries of normally accepted behavior. To be unable or unwilling to align one's behavior with these laws known to the general population of what is socially acceptable is to be rude.
There are basic ways to respond (please mind my choice of word-to respond not to react) to rude people:
1. Assess the issue at hand critically – ask yourself sincerely whether the situation making this person to react actually worth the emotional fireworks intended? When you objectively assess the situation at hand, you will definitely take appropriate actions.
2. Assess the person in question – could it be that this person is under some kind of pressure? Is this person trying to get at me? Have I offended this person in time past? Is this person misbehaviour worth my valuable attention? It will not be a wise investment of time and emotional energy to react to a rude person, if one can critically answer those questions.
3. Seek the path of grace – there times that one will need to just accept individuals with grace. We might just simply respond like Jesus said that ‘Father forgive them for they do not know what they are doing’. Jesus did not spit when they spat on him. It might be difficult but possible if we want to follow the path of truth and be objective. Pro 15:1 A gentle response defuses anger, but a sharp tongue kindles a temper-fire.
4. Give time – given that you will not respond rudely, do not try to correct the person immediately. Give time for the person to mellow down. A rude person is not objective and cannot perceive at that moment the corrective measure you intend.
5. Just ignore – there may be times to just overlook certain behaviours. It may even make the rude person to come back to his senses.
It can never be right to rude to someone that is rude to you, because that makes you also a rude person.
If honestly you will not want to be unmannerly in your behaviour, why would you then be rude to someone that is rude to you? It is very wrong to always react, rather act or at best be proactive. When you behave rudely to someone that is rude to you, you are reacting and that will never bring the best out you, it will rather fulfil the intention of the person that was rude to you. Do not let anyone ‘remote control’ you. You can be in charge of your emotions and actions. It is very essential to always be objective.
Wikipedia describe Rudeness (also called impudence, talking fresh, sassy or effrontery) as disrespect and failure to behave within the context of a society or a group of people's social laws oretiquette.These laws have already unspokenly been established as the essential boundaries of normally accepted behavior. To be unable or unwilling to align one's behavior with these laws known to the general population of what is socially acceptable is to be rude.
There are basic ways to respond (please mind my choice of word-to respond not to react) to rude people:
1. Assess the issue at hand critically – ask yourself sincerely whether the situation making this person to react actually worth the emotional fireworks intended? When you objectively assess the situation at hand, you will definitely take appropriate actions.
2. Assess the person in question – could it be that this person is under some kind of pressure? Is this person trying to get at me? Have I offended this person in time past? Is this person misbehaviour worth my valuable attention? It will not be a wise investment of time and emotional energy to react to a rude person, if one can critically answer those questions.
3. Seek the path of grace – there times that one will need to just accept individuals with grace. We might just simply respond like Jesus said that ‘Father forgive them for they do not know what they are doing’. Jesus did not spit when they spat on him. It might be difficult but possible if we want to follow the path of truth and be objective. Pro 15:1 A gentle response defuses anger, but a sharp tongue kindles a temper-fire.
4. Give time – given that you will not respond rudely, do not try to correct the person immediately. Give time for the person to mellow down. A rude person is not objective and cannot perceive at that moment the corrective measure you intend.
5. Just ignore – there may be times to just overlook certain behaviours. It may even make the rude person to come back to his senses.
It can never be right to rude to someone that is rude to you, because that makes you also a rude person.
Monday, June 7, 2010
Extra-curricular Activities and Peer Pressure
Using physical activities to reduce the negative effect of peer pressure cannot produce lasting result.
Peer pressure is more of sociological and psychological phenomenon than physical. Physical activities are just vehicles to drive what has been designed to affect individuals' behaviour and attitude.
I need to also mention that not all peer pressure result in bad influence. Association and assimilation also has a great way of impacting individuals for positive response. I have been working with teenagers for over a decade now and I have seen that the best way to help a teenager stabilize is to arrange other teenagers that are established in good character around him.
Many of the teenagers I have worked with both at school and the teenage ministry at church have been challenged by the good and productive disposition of the others. Given that peer pressure has led a lot of young people and even adults down the path of destruction, quite a good number have been positively affected by result –oriented individuals around them.
Physical activities by itself will not lead to the reduction but the kind of the activities and the people involved in the activities. A child can be physically involved in many activities and still have enough time to be involved in heinous deeds. As a matter of fact the centres for those activities can a breeding ground for bad influence. Take for example, a parent desiring to reduce the amount of time available for his child decides to enrol him in a music class after school without checking the fine details of the strength of character of the instructors, the kind of children attending the class, the kind of ‘extra class’ activities that go on there. That child may eventually get worse while attending the class if the environment is not appropriate.
As parents and guardians, we must depend on God for inspiration to be creative in ways that we engage our children for after-school activities that will build them up. In as much as they need a high-quality level of socialisation for development, it our responsibility to guide them into activities that will build them up for the future. We cannot afford to just throw them into any available activity.
My candid opinion is that while productive activities are good, the kind of activities and especially the people involved should be carefully screened for young adults. Our focus for teenagers around us should be the deliberate building of their inner man. If they are well built inside they will not only be able withstand bad influence but exert their own positive pressure on those around them.
Peer pressure is more of sociological and psychological phenomenon than physical. Physical activities are just vehicles to drive what has been designed to affect individuals' behaviour and attitude.
I need to also mention that not all peer pressure result in bad influence. Association and assimilation also has a great way of impacting individuals for positive response. I have been working with teenagers for over a decade now and I have seen that the best way to help a teenager stabilize is to arrange other teenagers that are established in good character around him.
Many of the teenagers I have worked with both at school and the teenage ministry at church have been challenged by the good and productive disposition of the others. Given that peer pressure has led a lot of young people and even adults down the path of destruction, quite a good number have been positively affected by result –oriented individuals around them.
Physical activities by itself will not lead to the reduction but the kind of the activities and the people involved in the activities. A child can be physically involved in many activities and still have enough time to be involved in heinous deeds. As a matter of fact the centres for those activities can a breeding ground for bad influence. Take for example, a parent desiring to reduce the amount of time available for his child decides to enrol him in a music class after school without checking the fine details of the strength of character of the instructors, the kind of children attending the class, the kind of ‘extra class’ activities that go on there. That child may eventually get worse while attending the class if the environment is not appropriate.
As parents and guardians, we must depend on God for inspiration to be creative in ways that we engage our children for after-school activities that will build them up. In as much as they need a high-quality level of socialisation for development, it our responsibility to guide them into activities that will build them up for the future. We cannot afford to just throw them into any available activity.
My candid opinion is that while productive activities are good, the kind of activities and especially the people involved should be carefully screened for young adults. Our focus for teenagers around us should be the deliberate building of their inner man. If they are well built inside they will not only be able withstand bad influence but exert their own positive pressure on those around them.
Friday, June 4, 2010
Great Fathers Are Mentors
Fatherhood is an assignment that I have always revered because it goes a long way to shape the outlook to life for mankind. Many of us make decisions today spontaneously or deliberately taking reference from our father.
My dad is a wonderful man that I will always respect. I had thought while growing up that my dad is a bit soft because of the way I hear other people talk about how tough and high-handed their fathers are. This is because he allows us to take our decisions; he makes us come up with suggestions as to what we need to do. I am not saying we get away with those adolescent excesses, but his rules and conditions are clearly stated that you will always know the rewards and otherwise for any action that you take.
I realized later that my father’s approach is the best for a child that will make impact. Everybody has a mindset about issues but a reasonable suggested option will guide in the best direction. Everyone of us in my family(3boys and 3girls) were given the opportunity to decide what we want to do in life, the schools we wanted attend, the courses we wanted to read, the wives/husband we wanted to marry. My father gives us the basic guidelines and leaves us to decide. We may not have plenty money now and have exceedingly glamorous stories to tell yet, but we are on a path to a great end.
That is the way I want to relate with my sons. I want to guide them with God's eyes. I want to depend on God to give them instructions that will clearly state the accurate pattern for life. I want a situation where they will look at the way I live and the decisions I take, and be able to take cues for their life decisions. Children when forced and compelled to do things will do it for a while under your roof but may trash all those ‘commandments’ immediately they are outside your gate. We must realise that God will force no one; He will only place the option before us. Deu 30:19 I call Heaven and Earth to witness against you today: I place before you Life and Death, Blessing and Curse. Choose life so that you and your children will live.
I strongly agree that life is a product of personal adventure, but it is also a network of influence. A father should be one of the strongest influences in the life of an individual. That is when our children’s adventures in life will make meaning and impact.
As we celebrate fathers, we need to be conscious of the pattern that we set before our children. We must make the guidelines clear to them and allow them make intelligent decisions. We must trust God to lead our children aright. Many fathers are too afraid that their children will fail and become wayward that they unnecessarily become overbearing and make them rebellious in the end. Let us train them to know how to listen to God and know that we are custodians not owners.
Good fathers (whether biological or in any other respects) are mentors. Just set the model before them and let them decide.
My dad is a wonderful man that I will always respect. I had thought while growing up that my dad is a bit soft because of the way I hear other people talk about how tough and high-handed their fathers are. This is because he allows us to take our decisions; he makes us come up with suggestions as to what we need to do. I am not saying we get away with those adolescent excesses, but his rules and conditions are clearly stated that you will always know the rewards and otherwise for any action that you take.
I realized later that my father’s approach is the best for a child that will make impact. Everybody has a mindset about issues but a reasonable suggested option will guide in the best direction. Everyone of us in my family(3boys and 3girls) were given the opportunity to decide what we want to do in life, the schools we wanted attend, the courses we wanted to read, the wives/husband we wanted to marry. My father gives us the basic guidelines and leaves us to decide. We may not have plenty money now and have exceedingly glamorous stories to tell yet, but we are on a path to a great end.
That is the way I want to relate with my sons. I want to guide them with God's eyes. I want to depend on God to give them instructions that will clearly state the accurate pattern for life. I want a situation where they will look at the way I live and the decisions I take, and be able to take cues for their life decisions. Children when forced and compelled to do things will do it for a while under your roof but may trash all those ‘commandments’ immediately they are outside your gate. We must realise that God will force no one; He will only place the option before us. Deu 30:19 I call Heaven and Earth to witness against you today: I place before you Life and Death, Blessing and Curse. Choose life so that you and your children will live.
I strongly agree that life is a product of personal adventure, but it is also a network of influence. A father should be one of the strongest influences in the life of an individual. That is when our children’s adventures in life will make meaning and impact.
As we celebrate fathers, we need to be conscious of the pattern that we set before our children. We must make the guidelines clear to them and allow them make intelligent decisions. We must trust God to lead our children aright. Many fathers are too afraid that their children will fail and become wayward that they unnecessarily become overbearing and make them rebellious in the end. Let us train them to know how to listen to God and know that we are custodians not owners.
Good fathers (whether biological or in any other respects) are mentors. Just set the model before them and let them decide.
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